


Broken shackles

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Slavery, Anxiety, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Prince Kylo Ren, Virgin Kylo Ren, slave!hux
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-31 16:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6478057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an attempt to compromise Kylo Ren to steal power from him, his subordinates buy him a slave trained in the best pleasure houses there are in the Galaxy. Kylo is smitten with the ginger but refuses to play their game. And is the man even an actual slave with his insolence and disrespect? He's way too cunning to be just a sex toy and Kylo realises this might be the last piece he lacked in the puzzle that was seizing the Galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Acquired

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how this idea occurred to me but once I saw it, it couldn't be ignored.

Count Ren was the ruler of several planetary systems and quite likely the most potent individual in the Galaxy. While the other systems fought for independence or were controlled by groups of individuals, he could have been the only one having absolute power over his subjects. He was terrifying, trained in the ways of the Force, skilled wielder of a rather monstrous lightsaber and ruthless when dealing with both his minions and opponents. He got all his power by force and resilience, unable to kill his mother to claim his hereditary title and honours.

It is prudent to say the force and resilience to rule weren’t his only. Kylo Ren had two weaknesses most people knew of and yet had no way of using against him. The first one was his dead grandfather, a feared dictator who had died before Ren was even born. Kylo looked up to him and adored him, seeking strength in him in moments of doubt. From some point in his life however, Vader started to lose his importance to Kylo, giving way to Kylo’s another obsession, a ginger man who wrapped the Count around his finger completely.

Ren had never been attracted to women and he was never going to marry a woman. His counsellors tried to remind him of the importance of having a child to continue his bloodline but Kylo couldn’t care less. On the outside he pretended to hate children but in the depth of his heart he knew he was terrified of having them, afraid he’d be just as clueless and in the end damaging to them as his own father was to him; and he was never going to do force a child into a life like his. Kylo wasn’t that interested in marrying anyway and he resisted several offers from candidates the people around him sent to him under various pretexts. He was firm in his resolution and nothing could move him.

Kylo Ren’s resolution wasn’t his strongest trait though.

One day, Kylo found a man lying in his own bed. He was tall, almost as tall Ren, lanky yet fit and as graceful as a person sprawled almost naked on someone else’s bed can be. Kylo froze, unable to process what he saw; blood rushed to his face and his groin, making him especially conscious of how tight his trousers were. Without a word, he turned around with the intention of leaving the room and getting off the planet if need be, just to get away from this phantom.

“I was too expensive to be neglected.”

Kylo stopped again, shivering. Everything about this man was dripping with lust and sex, even his voice that was both playful and seductive.

“I’m sure whoever hired you will pay you what they’re due,” Kylo responded and bit his lip to punish himself for his weakness.

“I’m yours,” Ren could hear rustling of his own bed sheets, “not hired. I’m not to be bought for an hour an then given back, used.”

Ren jumped a little when a cold hand touched his nape. He heard a low chuckle.

“I didn’t buy you,” he said, determined to get this man to go away. It didn’t matter how much his body wanted to finally learn what it was like – he had never been close with anyone, his only experience shy kisses he shared with his best friend ages ago. He was not necessarily happy about his lack of experience but he managed to satisfy his needs himself. _Or maybe not_ , he realised as he trembled under the thievish touches of long fingers.

“No, but I was bought for you,” there was a hint of breath on Ren’s left ear and a pleasant perfume attacking his nose. He could almost taste it; he imagined licking the scent off pale skin.

“I don’t agree with slavery,” Kylo managed to sound firm.

“Neither do I,” the stranger said flatly, “but I’m sure you’re going to be nice to me if I am good and trust me, I can be very good. Or very bad, whatever you want me to be.”

“I don’t want you to be anything,” Kylo mumbled, aware of how weak his lie was. He was very close to giving in even though he had no idea how it happened to him. Either way, he could not let this smug, gorgeous man take his virginity – and see just how inexperienced he was.

“I think you’re lying right now.”

Ren realised what was going to happen a split of a second before one of the thin hands reached his crotch. It was just a hint of a touch but Kylo knew he was lost.

“Can we talk face to face now?”

The pressure of the slave’s body against his own disappeared and Ren took a deep breath. Then he turned around to confront his destiny.

“Who bought you?” Kylo asked.

“I don’t know,” came the reply as the man climbed into Ren’s bed again, “they didn’t come to see us. Just asked for the most expensive slave I guess.”

“You’re the most expensive?” Kylo gasped a little, his eyes finally trailing the lines of his newest possession’s body. He could easily see why this man would cost unimaginable piles of money, now that he thought of it.

“I was,” the man replied, “you determine my value now.”

“Do you have a name?”

“No.”

“Oh,” Kylo looked away from him, suddenly feeling dirty and ashamed for devouring the man’s body with his eyes. This was a human being and he was staring at him as at an object.

“I’ve never needed it.”

“How did they…?”

“Tell us apart?”

Ren only nodded.

“We were separated most of the time. Trained each on their own.”

“That’s…” Kylo’s voice trailed off.

“Horrible? Awful?” The other man filled in, “Well, yes. What are you going to do about it now?”

“I – I’m sorry,” Ren said and finally found the courage to look at the slave again. To his relief, he was already sitting in a normal position and not in the seductive one that terrified Kylo.

“I appreciate that,” the slave said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. It felt like a slap to Kylo.

“Please go away,” the Count begged.

“Where? I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“I don’t know,” Ren snapped and walked closer until he was standing above the slave. “I didn’t buy you. If you want to go back, I can find out who did and sell you back. I don’t need someone to remind me of all the things I haven’t been able to change yet.”

“I apologise,” the other man said, returning Kylo’s voice with an expression Ren wasn’t able to read.

“Your mere presence is a reminder of my incapacity,” Kylo went on, “your painted lips and your degradation, as well as your insolence. I can see who you could be if you weren’t a slave.”

“What could I be?” the other man raised a thick orange eyebrow. Kylo had to admit – with shame – that he was happy they didn’t make him trim his eyebrows. He shouldn’t care, he should see more about the man than his pretty face, and yet here he was, thinking about how nice ginger eyebrows look with green eyes.

“Anything,” Ren said, “you’re intelligent and daring. You could have ruled the Galaxy.”

They stared at each other, the slave’s expression changing. Kylo could see something happening within the man even though he could not tell what exactly. The sharp green eyes lost some of their hostility.

“Well now I can rule you,” the man said and chuckled and Ren could see the door to his soul closing again.

“Why exactly are you here?” Kylo asked and sat down on the bed to be on the same level.

“To be honest? I’d say to distract you and make you crazy with lust while your so-called advisers get as much money and power from you as they want,” the ginger replied as if it didn’t concern him at all.

“And you’ll do it,” Ren said, quite needlessly.

“Seeing you, I won’t have to try too hard,” he said it with a smirk, “I’d say whoever picked me for you must have known your preferences.”

“You said they chose you because you were the most expensive,” Ren could feel his face becoming red.

“I lied,” the slave grinned even more, obviously pleased with himself, “I didn’t see who bought me. I swear. But the prices are not fixed, it’s all about negotiation. For some reason, those people thought the best sex slave for you would be a disobedient skinny ginger.”

Ren wanted to say something smart and witty but all he could think of was shame and embarrassment. He looked down and noticed something silvery attached to the garter the slave was wearing. Kylo felt even more humiliated but he couldn’t help but wonder what it was. The slave obviously noticed his interest and pulled his legs apart a little to reveal two vials with a clear liquid and a small knife attached to his right inner thigh.

“I can take care of myself,” he said, allowing Kylo to escape the previous topic if need be.

“I don’t doubt that,” Ren said and resisted his urge to find out how sharp the knife was. “Was that another quality of yours that attracted the buyers?”

“I don’t think so. I was the best, that’s true, but all of us were trained to defend themselves.”

“How could they know…” Kylo couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence and he knew he’d be understood.

“My guess is that your private computers are not as private as you’d think,” the other man replied and to make himself even clearer – and to tease Ren – he added: “those holo’s you watch are not so easily hidden.”

Kylo let out a pained groan. The other man watched him with amusement and compassion.

“There’s nothing wrong about that,” he said after a while, “most people watch them anyway. Especially lonely men.”

“Did you… were you ever in one?” Ren asked.

“No. I’m much more luxurious than that.”

“Oh.”

“You look uncomfortable,” the slave said after another moment of silence.

“I just found out somebody not only undermines my leadership – I knew that would happen – but also spies on what I do on the computer and what sort of porn I watch. And then they bought me… you, to get rid of me. You could say I’m uncomfortable.” Ren snapped.

“That’s not what I meant but as you wish,” the slave shrugged, “how about I run you a hot bath?”

“And then distract me so that they could take my power from me?”

“And then distract you so that you would think clearly again,” he corrected Kylo, “you’re angry and frustrated and you have no idea what to do with the fact that you have a slave who is obviously trained for sex in your bed. You’re not able to think straight now.”

“I’ve never been too good at straight,” Kylo sighed but he gave in. He knew a bath should help him.

“Neither did I,” the slave shrugged. Kylo looked at him with surprise.

“I thought you were trained to please anyone.”

“Most are,” the man replied, “they never could force me to be very good with women though. So they left me be because they didn’t want to lose my potential with men.”

“I’m starting to think they were quite glad to get rid of you,” Ren smirked.

“They were especially happy about the money they got. Come on, let’s get you a bath. We can talk in the tub.”

“You’ll bathe with me?” Kylo’s voice sounded just as alarmed as he felt. Which was a lot.

“Unless you don’t want me to.”

Ren couldn’t tell whether he wanted it or not. He was still insecure, still didn’t want this beautiful man who seemed too perfect to be real to have any power over him but he was also coming to the realisation there was no way of escaping him now. Besides, just seeing the man naked and taking a bath with him wasn’t that bad, was it?

_It is bad. It’s exactly what’s bad about it. I shouldn’t be doing this, it’s terrible. He can’t even give a real consent, he doesn’t realise what he’s doing is wrong._ A million thoughts rushed through Kylo’s mind as he watched the other man’s defined clavicle to avoid his eyes. _I’m just a coward. A weakling, as they’ve always told me._

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do,” the ginger man said and took Kylo’s hands into his own. “After all, I’m supposed to make you so happy you’ll forget you have a county to rule. Not to terrify you and break you.”

“Shouldn’t you hide this from me?”

“You’re my master, not them,” he said resolutely, “they may have bought me with a purpose – and I’m not saying I won’t serve it when I think of how you reacted to me upon simply seeing me – but I serve you.”

“I don’t want to own you.”

“You’re an idealistic dreamer,” the slave said and smiled a little.

“And right now I’m dreaming of taking the bath you promised,” Ren made a semicircle with his head and groaned upon hearing two cracks.

“I think I’ll give you a massage as well,” the ginger said with worry.

“Oh yes, please,” Kylo almost purred.

“You’re so thirsty for any sort of touch, aren’t you?”

“No,” Ren frowned, “I’m just really sore. From all the hard-work, you know.”

“Right. From watching holofilms for adults,” the ginger smirked.

“You know what, I’ve made up my mind, I want you to take the bath with me.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. And then I’ll drown you in it.”

“I highly doubt that,” the slave smiled and took off a piece of clothing that Ren for the lack of better word called a jacket, “not when you see me without clothes.”

…

“Are you a virgin?” the ginger didn’t even have the decency to engage in some small talk before he became smug again. He had the top hand now that they were naked and he knew it. While he himself had had next to no clothes before and was used to being as the nature created him all the time, Kylo was very insecure about his own body. The slave could sense it in the way Ren curled into a ball and tried to hide as much of his skin as possible, and he found it both sweet and nonsensical. In fact, seeing his new master come into the room had been the nicest surprise he could remember. He had expected someone old and hairy and fat and got a flawless youngling with no clue just how hot he was.

“You don’t beat around the bush, do you?” Ren mumbled and tried to appear nonchalant and failed completely. He blushed again and looked terribly adorable.

“I like to get to the core of things as fast as possible,” the latter shrugged, “talking keeps you from the important things.”

“Important things?” Kylo yelped a little, painfully aware of his body responding differently than he wanted it to. _I should have used a bath bomb_ , he thought and his sight flicked over to the other man’s body before he could stop himself. It wasn’t a good idea if he wanted to cool down.

“You know,” the ginger purred and laid his hands on Kylo’s knees, “enjoyable things.”

“I like talking,” Kylo murmured weakly as two hands slid down his thighs.

“That’s why you’re still a virgin,” the ginger laughed and he moved closer to Kylo, sitting between the Count’s knees, “it’s about time you learnt to do other things too.”

“You said you wouldn’t do anything I don’t want you to,” Ren said accusingly and his eyes looked frightened. The slave frowned. He had never been trained to deal with someone not wanting to use his body. While he was taught other things as well, his primary education revolved around satisfying the other’s desires, not making them acknowledge it. Because this boy wanted him so bad it was almost pathetic.

“I wouldn’t,” he nodded and took his hands off the dark-haired man to prove his point, “but I don’t understand you. You want me.”

“Yes,” there was no reason to deny it. “But I don’t know you. I’m not some – “

The ginger jerked and looked away.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way, I…” he babbled but the damage was already done.

“No, that’s exactly how you meant it. And it’s your right.”

“I’m really sorry.” Kylo said again and he reached for the other man’s face with his hand. The latter let him – as he was trained – but Ren could feel he was uncomfortable with the touch so he pulled away again. “You can go if you want.”

“Thank you,” the slave said, stood up without a hint of shyness and climbed out of the bathtub.

“Towels are over there,” Kylo pointed to a closet nearby.

“Thank you,” came the same hollow reply again and Kylo sank under the water with his head as well, hoping he’d disappear from the world.

…

There wasn’t any reason for Kylo to feel bad. He didn’t want a slave. He didn’t want any of these problems and yet here they were in the form of a grumpy skinny ginger who somehow managed to get under Kylo’s skin already. Kylo wrapped a towel around his head to dry his hair and dug his pyjama out of a pile of clothes he wore when nobody saw him. He put the pants on and took the shirt to the bedroom with him to put on later.

“You’re here,” he said with surprise when he noticed the ginger sitting on the bed again. Naked but wrapped in a towel. He looked even smaller than before in Kylo’s ridiculously gigantic linen.

“Obviously. Where else would I be?”

“I…huh,” Kylo couldn’t quite construct a sentence, “you’re going to sleep here?”

“I could sleep in the corridor if you insisted. You know, if it somehow offended you to have a sex slave in your bed.”

“I said I’m sorry,” Ren said exasperatedly.

“Yes, you did,” the ginger admitted, “perhaps if you say it over and over enough times, you’d change the fact that I am – in fact – your slave trained to have sex with you while you don’t want to have sex because you have some sort of pseudo-romantic views of the world.”

“If I have sex with you will you shut up?” Ren snapped, “you’re stressing me out. Honestly, I thought slaves were supposed to be obedient.”

“Is this the first time somebody dared to defy you and not do everything their little prince asked them to do?” the slave pursed his lips and his eyes widened as he mocked a sympathetic face. “Awww, poor you.”

“What do you want me to do?” Ren snapped and tossed his pyjama top onto the bed as he stood over the naked ginger. He should have had the higher ground – he was dressed and he was standing while the latter was down. And yet, he was the one in the metaphorical corner.

“I need to feel some sort of purpose, you know. So that I wouldn’t feel like all the years of not particularly easy training were in waste.”

“Can’t you have another purpose than that?”

“It’s what I’m best at. I also don’t know how else I could be useful to you.”

“You’re lying and you know it,” Ren warned him, “if nothing else, you’re a very good practise of diplomatic skills.”

“Diplomatic?” the ginger laughed, “you’ve almost strangled me twice and started crying in between.”

“But I didn’t and that’s what counts,” Kylo said.

“You don’t set the bar too high.”

“Do you have some clothes? Actual clothes, I mean,” Ren asked, still uncomfortable.

“I don’t think I’ve ever worn ‘actual clothes’ as you put it.”

“Borrow some of mine,” Kylo ordered. It scared him how it sounded, “please.”

“As you wish,” the ginger accepted a pair of boxers that barely held onto his slender hips and a loose tunic. It wasn’t a bad feeling at all, not to have clothes that reveal more than they hide.

“If you’re to stay here, we’ve got to buy you something to wear. I’m not going to let you walk around in those… things.”

“As you wish,” he said again, still revelling in the fact that for the first time since he could remember, the sex slave tattoo on his wrist wasn’t visible. Having washed off his make-up and taken the clothes off, he felt ecstatic. Which was probably a good reason to be wary. Kylo Ren might look like a romantic idiot but he had to get his power somehow and that didn’t really fit into the idea he had made of the Count.

“Or would you like to wear them?” Kylo asked after a while as if he realised something. It disconcerted the slave.

“No, thank you,” he mumbled.

“Would you brush my hair for me please?” Kylo asked tentatively.

“Of course,” the ginger said and he hated himself for lighting up as he accepted the hairbrush from Ren. He was better than this, he had his pride. But then again, he also had a heart and feelings and they were touched by this simple display of affection.

“Thank you,” Kylo said and took the towel off his hair. The slave sat onto the bed behind him and started to brush the unruly ebony flow. It was a harder task than it had seemed and he was in constant fear of Ren snapping and telling him he was a simpleton who couldn’t even brush someone’s hair. Kylo didn’t.

“Do you like to sleep with the curtains drawn or not?” Kylo asked after a while of having his hair played with.

“I don’t know,” the slave mumbled.

“Do you want me to drop the topic?”

“Yes please.”

They sat in silence for some time again until Kylo’s hair was smooth and almost dry with the amount of brushes the slave applied to them. Neither of them wanted to move. Kylo closed his eyes and leaned into the tender hands. After a while the slave set the brush aside and just played with Kylo’s hair, enjoying being glad to touch someone. It felt so good and so innocent he almost couldn’t believe it was really happening to him.

“Would you like to braid it? I do that sometimes,” Kylo said after ten minutes of the ginger twirling strands of hair on his fingers.

“You’ll look like a sheep,” he snorted.

“Yeah I would, I just love it when people play with my hair,” Ren admitted. He could feel the other man laughing against his back and it felt terribly rewarding.

“I still owe you a massage,” the slave reminded him, “come lie down.”

“Will it involve playing with my hair?” Kylo asked and obeyed, lying onto his stomach.

“I suppose I could involve it.”

They didn’t speak while the ginger worked on Ren’s stiff and pained muscles. Kylo let out a moan from time to time, letting the other man know when something felt especially good or when a certain spot required more attention. When it was finally over, Kylo’s back felt warm and tender and he sighed happily. The ginger lay down beside him and smiled.

“You’re a god,” Ren moaned, “I’ve never felt this great in my entire life.”

The ginger blushed a little and tried to bury his face into the covers to conceal it.

“I’d like to return the favour but I’d probably break your spine or something,” Kylo said after he was sure he had the other’s attention again.

“You don’t have to give me anything.”

“Of course I do,” Kylo said flatly.

“Can I… can I get something to eat, please?” the ginger asked self-consciously.

“Of course you can,” Kylo exclaimed and sat up, “I’m so sorry. I should have known you’d be hungry. Next time tell me sooner, okay? Whatever you want, I’ll try to get it.”

“A meal would suffice for now.”

“Right,” Kylo said as he sent a command to the kitchens, “but everything else is alright too, okay? Whatever you need.”

“Thank you.”

Kylo couldn’t help feeling there was something the ginger wanted, needed even, but wouldn’t speak about. It troubled Ren but there wasn’t anything he could do about it, except give it some time and hope it wouldn’t be too late by the time the slave will have mustered enough courage to ask for it.

…

“Are you waiting for me to fall asleep so that you can touch yourself?”

The ginger’s voice cut the darkness as if it was a lot louder than it actually was.

“What the hell?” Kylo sat up and stared at the figure he only suspected.

“I can tell,” the quiet reply came.

“Am I so easy to read now?”

“This was fairly obvious. Besides, I’ve been trained to recognise such behaviour.”

“Why didn’t you shut up and pretend to sleep and let me do my business, if you knew so much?”

They stared at each other, Ren flushed againand the slave was aware of it.

“I could help you,” the ginger said at last.

“No thanks.”

“Why are you rejecting me? You were going to picture me sucking your cock anyway.”

Kylo reached for the lamp on his nightstand and switched it on. The room suddenly brightened up and he could see the pupils in the ginger’s eyes narrowing.

“I’m going to be frank with you now.” Ren began and waited a little bit to have the latter’s full attention. “Yes, I would. And I’m deeply ashamed of that. It would be wrong but not nearly half as bad as abusing you.”

“What do you mean by abusing me?” the other man said and he looked so confused Kylo swore.

“I do not want you to do anything sexual with me when you don’t want to,” he tried to explain.

“But I do.”

“No, you don’t. You want me to be satisfied with you and you’ve been programmed into thinking your opinion doesn’t matter. But that’s wrong.”

“I want you to be satisfied,” the ginger’s voice was shaky now.

“Sit up, please,” Kylo asked him. He complied. “Thank you. You know whom you must want to satisfy first? Yourself.”

“I don’t think I know how to do that,” the other man said, stooping his shoulders to appear as small as possible. _To avoid punishment_ , Ren realised. He felt sick suddenly.

“That’s okay. We’ll try to find what makes you happy together, alright? Just don’t try to offer me anything sexual. I can’t take advantage of you, even though you’re the most perfect being I’ve ever seen.”

Kylo reached his hand close to the other man’s and let it linger a couples of inches away to give him a chance to refuse the touch. Their fingers connected, slowly and carefully but suddenly they were entwined. The red-haired man raised their joined hands to the level of his eyes, watching them with fascination.

“I liked brushing your hair,” he said after a long moment, looking at Kylo above their fingertips.

“That’s a good start,” Kylo smiled, “I like it when you smile.”

“I like your eyes.”

“I like your eyes too.”

“Can I still sleep here?”

“Of course you can, I’m not kicking you away,” Kylo gave him another encouraging, proud smile.

“You couldn’t kick me out if you tried,” the ginger smirked, the earlier spark returning to his eyes.

“Don’t you ever dare me to do anything you might regret.”

“I’ll try to remember that.”

They sat motionless, their hands now lying on the bed between them. Kylo watched the glimmers the lamp set into his companion’s olivine eyes, the dust dancing in the light and felt his own heart beating a little bit too hard.

“I’ll turn the light off now, alright?” Kylo asked, giving the other man a chance to express his opinion.

“Alright.”

“Let’s lie back down now.”

“I’m not an idiot. You don’t have to tell me everything.”

“Oh good, it was getting tedious,” Kylo chuckled and they did lie down, this time facing each other.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Both of them pretended to keep holding the other’s hand not for themselves but for the latter.

 


	2. Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drew a scene from the last chapter and I'd post it here but I'm a loser so you can see it on my tumblr: http://freckles-and-lightsabers.tumblr.com/post/142642925276/kylo-reached-his-hand-close-to-the-other-mans-and  
>  ~~This took me way longer than I expected. I'm finishing high school and there's this huge exam coming I have to study for except I never had to study and now I have no idea how to do it and holy Vader I had no idea it would be this time-consuming and I'm stressed af because I can't imagine surviving university and oh my.~~  
>  Anyway, here you go.

Kylo woke up to a pair of green eyes examining him. The corners of his mouth rose on their own before he could stop them – not that he wanted to. He had never thought waking up next to someone could feel so good, especially with someone he had not known the morning before, but there was an intangible sense of something very pleasant settling in his chest.

“Good morning,” he mumbled.

“It really is,” his companion responded, “I’ve never spent such a fascinating hour just lying in bed.”

“You’ve been awake for an hour?” Kylo exclaimed.

“Yes. I’m not used to sleeping for very long,” the ginger shrugged and rolled onto his back to stretch his muscles, “it was nice though.”

“You didn’t get to lie in bed after you woke up, I guess.”

“No, not really.”

“You know what we should do?” Kylo supported himself on his elbows, “Stay in bed for the whole day. Get food brought here and do absolutely nothing.”

“You just want to use me as a pretext for being lazy,” the ginger frowned, “I won’t take any part in that.”

“Why? You said you liked doing nothing,” Kylo whined half-heartedly.

“I’ve enjoyed it and it was enough. Besides, I would like to act in your best interest and I wouldn’t be doing that if I let you abandon your duties.”

“Right because you’re so conscientious.”

“Well you’re still lazy and trying to use me as pretext to lie in bed all day.”

“You’re right,” Kylo growled, “you know what I hate? When people are right and I’m not.”

There was a strange glimmer in the ginger’s eyes and it took Ren a little while to realise it was fear. By that time it was gone but he could see the other man’s muscles were flexed as if he were to flee any given moment.

“I was just joking, I’m sorry,” Kylo apologised, “I didn’t realise it would trigger you.”

“I…uh,” the ginger forced his fists open and took a deep breath.

“It’s alright,” Kylo lay on his back not to appear he was acting superior, “just tell me when something sets you off, okay?”

“Okay,” the ginger nodded, “I should have realised by now you were just a drama queen and didn’t really mean what you said.”

“Hey,” Ren sounded offended, “I do mean what I say.”

“Of course.”

“What do you want for breakfast?” Kylo asked and looked to the side to find the other’s eyes, “you’ll get a breakfast in bed at least, since you refuse to wallow in here for the whole day.”

“What can I get?”

“Anything, I suppose. I’ve always got what I asked for.”

“I’d like an oatmeal, please. With raisins and honey. And tea.”

“Oatmeal it is,” Ren said while promising to himself to get more things for the slave to try. He didn’t suppose there was variety in what the man had been eating up to this point, though it probably was very good for his health. That sounded like a nightmare to Kylo – all life on healthy food. He had to save the poor soul. He got out of the bed, ordered enough food for a regiment and went into the bathroom.

“Why didn’t you tell me my hair looks atrocious?” he asked the ginger when he came back.

“Your hair looks atrocious,” came a reply in a very business-like voice, “come here, I’ll brush it for you.”

“That would be very generous of you,” Kylo smiled and climbed back into the bed.

“I-um,” the slave obviously felt uncomfortable.

“You need to go to the bathroom too?” Kylo tried to help, hoping he was reading the situation well.

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to ask my permission. Just go.”

“Thank you.”

He was back sooner than Kylo would have thought possible and slipped back under the covers. Ren noticed him pulling the left sleeve down over his wrist when it rolled up and revealed the red tattoo branding him as a sex slave. Ren made a note to himself to get the man something to wear over it.

The ginger leant against the headboard and waited for Kylo to sit between his thighs. It was such a peculiar feeling – opening his legs for someone without fear or self-hatred.

“Do you want me to style it too?” he asked after a while of running a brush though Kylo’s thick mane.

“Sure, whatever you wish to do.” Kylo encouraged him, “Wait a bit, I’ll get you some bobby pins.”

“That’s such a funny name,” the ginger said when Kylo came back and handed him a bag of hairstyling equipment, “who’s ‘Bobby’? Why did they take his pins from him?”

“I suppose I never thought about that,” Kylo mused, genuinely thinking about the issue.

“That’s because you’ve had them around since you were a child, I suppose. I’ve always called them hair-grips.”

“That does make more sense.”

“But it takes away the lyrical and mysterious part of language that makes you think. If we only give things names after the purpose they serve, where would be the art in that?”

“That would take away all the softer nuances there are to things and people. Speaking of names,” Kylo made a pause and hoped the ginger would understand him even without facial expressions supplementing the words, “I need you to have one. I’d like for you to come up with it yourself, but I’d be happy to help if you wanted.”

“Can I think this through?” the slave asked as he stared at the braid he was working on to as if to – needlessly – avoid Kylo’s gaze.

“Of course. It’s a big decision, I don’t want you to make it in a rush.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s because I’d like to take you to court with me if you like, and it would be better if I could introduce you with a name.”

“I would like to see the court.”

“You do strike me as the person who would just love to be there,” Kylo pointed out, “for some reason, I can see you giving motivational speeches and crushing your opposition with ease and grace.”

“I can hardly imagine having any opinions strong enough to get me an opposition, let alone crushing it,” the ginger replied.

“And yet, here you have your first opponent,” Kylo chuckled, “I think you have plenty of opinions but they’re hidden too deep for you to realise them just now.”

“That seems to be the same thing.”

“Ah, those are two very different things, trust me.”

They were interrupted by a beeping sound by the door that announced a servant with the breakfast. Kylo waited for the slave to finish the part of his hairstyle that was currently in progress and got out of the bed. He opened a small cabinet beside the door and took out a tray full of food.

“Are we expecting guests for the breakfast?” the ginger asked when he noticed it, “An army perhaps?”

“No, I’m just very indecisive,” Kylo opposed and laid the tray on the bed carefully. The ginger had already moved closer to the centre of the bed and looked at the meals with the exact mixture of mistrust and curiosity that Kylo had anticipated.

“Take whatever you want,” Ren invited his companion and poured them each a cup of tea. “Do you want milk, sugar, lemon, honey or something else into your tea?”

“No, thank you,” the ginger said and raised a bowl of a greyish substance off the tray.

“You really need to learn what’s good,” Kylo pointed out and handed him one cup while pouring a considerable amount of milk into his own.

“How exactly can you distinguish the taste of the tea if you do that?” the slave made a disgusted face when Kylo dumped a spoonful of sugar into the cup as well.

“I don’t. That’s why I do it.”

“Dear heavens,” the ginger rolled his eyes and set his cup on the nightstand to get his hands free to eat his oatmeal.

“Well why do you eat this when you have so many delicious things in front of you?” Kylo asked and sat down as well. “You have bacon and eggs and waffles and you decide to eat oatmeal.”

“Oatmeal is the basis of a good day.”

“You know, the only reason why I let you eat it in my bed is because I want you to feel welcome and validated in what you want.” Kylo said and picked up a plate with bacon from approximately five pigs, judging by the amount.

“At least I’m not expensive.”

“Right. Because I’m so poor.”

“With this attitude, you will be.”

“There’s nothing wrong with good food.”

“There’s also nothing wrong with oatmeal.”

“And nothing good.”

“How do you even keep in shape with dietary habits like this?” The ginger asked and eyed the greasy stain pooling on Kylo’s plate.

“I have good genes,” Ren said solemnly and looked at the huge portrait of Darth Vader above the bed. “And I work out a lot.”

“So you really are a descendant of his?” the ginger looked up as well.

“Yes,” Kylo nodded with so much pride and joy the slave couldn’t find it in him to laugh.

“What’s the Force like?” he asked instead and his eyes looked pensive. He had been saying the Force was just a bunch of hocus-pocus and that it was stupid and he had meant it, mostly. All the Force in the world couldn’t stop him from ending up in a pleasure house. But now, he couldn’t suppress his curiosity – he was in the presence of one of the most potent Force-users in the whole galaxy and he wasn’t going to let that slip through his fingers.

“I can show you if you like,” Kylo said, “I’m not really good with words.”

“I…ah. Yes.”

Kylo took the other man’s hands, carefully reaching for them and asking permission first. He watched the enigmatic green eyes for some time before closing his own and concentrating. He couldn’t really show anyone else what wielding the Force felt like, but he could let the ginger feel the rush of the Force through his body. He had never tried it before but he was certain it should work. In theory he supposed he could use the midi-chlorians within him to wake those in the other man but he couldn’t really tell. From the surprised gasp he heard he supposed he succeeded.

Kylo let the Force wash over them for a few minutes before opening his eyes and slowly retreating from the other man’s entity. They remained silent with their hands joined before the ginger took a shuddering breath and spoke.

“Is this how you feel all the time?”

“I suppose?” Ren frowned a little. “I don’t really notice it, it just… is there. And lets me use it from time to time.”

“It’s amazing,” the slave went on, dazzled. His eyes were as big as saucers and full of enthusiasm. Kylo felt horrible. Not only was he a privileged prince who never knew want of anything material, he also lived with what the ginger deemed amazing. Kylo had always priced his abilities with the Force but he always appreciated the power they gave him, the superiority. He never realised some people could find them a gift simply because they enhanced their view of the world.

“Why are some people better with the Force than others?” the ginger asked and pulled his hands away to study them.

“It’s about how many midi-chlorians are in your body. They’re tiny-“

“I know that,” the slave cut him off harshly, “I’m sorry. But why do some people have more in them than others?”

“I don’t know,” Kylo looked away for a while before forcing his eyes to find the ginger again. He didn’t deserve to be looked away from just because Ren was uncomfortable with the question. “I suppose it’s just like any other talent.”

“Okay.”

It wasn’t okay though and Kylo knew that. He couldn’t think of anything else to say however – so he didn’t because everything that came to his mind felt either insincere or dumb. They sat in silence, the ginger eating a spoonful after spoonful of the oatmeal, Kylo feeling bad for eating all the bacon by himself.

“Can I get some more tea, please?”

Kylo looked up and forced himself to pay attention to the other man.

“Sure,” he reached for the kettle and poured some of the tawny liquid in the ginger’s cup.

“I upset you,” the ginger said when he was certain he had Ren’s full attention.

“No,” Kylo shook his head, “you just made me realise something.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise for everything. Do you regret making me see just how privileged I am?”

“I…” the slave looked away, unable to answer. Being cheeky was one thing but upsetting his master was way too much. It didn’t matter if said master claimed it was okay – upsetting a master was never okay and he was in serious trouble.

“That’s all I needed,” Kylo said, “and I know you don’t believe me but I really did mean it when I said it was okay. You’re not free formally but you are free to say whatever you want.”

“Can I take one of these?” the ginger pointed to chocolate-blueberry muffins lying on the tray between them. He didn’t acknowledge Kylo’s words but at least he didn’t dismiss them.

“It’s all yours, whatever you want,” Kylo smiled.

“Are you trying to poison me?” the ginger smirked, “because I don’t look like it but I won some eating competitions.”

“Oh really? Did you make the others pity you and let you win because you looked like you would never win by yourself?”

“Do you want to bet?”

“What? That you’ll eat all this? I’m not really interested in rushing you to a hospital the first day I have you.”

“So you do believe I’d eat it all?”

“I’m quite sure you’d eat everything including the tray or die trying if you wanted to prove your point.”

“Good.”

Kylo watched him eat with amusement. He really did have an appetite for someone so slight.

“What is this?” the ginger asked as he held a waffle drained in syrup in both hands.

“They’re called waffles,” Kylo replied, slightly taken aback, “you’ve never had them?”

“I know what waffles are. I’ve never eaten them but I’ve seen them. But what is this thing on them?”

“You’ve never eaten a waffle,” Ren pointed out with a mortified expression as if he didn’t notice what the other man had just said.

“And I’ve also never had this sticky thing that tastes like a tree before and I’d like to know what it is.” The ginger waved his hand in front of Kylo’s face to attract his attention.

“Ah, that’s maple syrup.”

“So it _is_ made of trees,” the ginger mumbled, “that’s just wrong.”

“I’ll get you something else with it next time.”

“That would be greatly appreciated.”

“What else have you never done before?”

“Do you want the eight-hundred-page abridged version or the complete list?” the slave grimaced sarcastically as he licked the syrup off his fingers.

“The complete one of course.”

“Never have I ever picked my own clothes.”

“I’ll take you shopping when you’re done with all this food.”

“I’ll save myself something for later,” the ginger said solemnly, “not that I wouldn’t be able to eat it all now, but it’s always pleasant to come home to some hidden snack.”

“I’ll have someone wrap it up for you.” Kylo said in jest and stood up. “You’ll have to borrow some of my clothes before we buy you something.”

“Do you have some old clothes hidden away? Maybe some from back when you were thirteen?” the ginger snorted, looking pointedly at Kylo’s muscular chest.

“I’m sure something will fit you,” Ren said and his face turned a little pink when he realised the other man didn’t look away from his body.

“Yeah, the socks should,” the slave laughed and stood up as well. He walked into the bathroom swinging his hips so coquettishly, Kylo almost asked him to stop. Almost.

…

They did find some clothes that fit the ginger’s slender figure after all. The outfit consisted of Kylo’s training leggings and a jacket that was so huge it could more or less be pulled off as intentionally oversized. Just as the ginger had predicted, they had the same size of shoes so he added a pair of Kylo’s moccasins to the mess. The mix that finally came out of this looked disturbingly good and it certainly was worth the laugh they got from it.

“Wait, you’re wearing this?” the ginger asked when he noticed Kylo in a pair of jeans ripped on the right thigh and left knee and a leather jacket.

“You are questioning what I’m wearing?” Kylo raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“No, just… It’s so funny to see you in something like this.”

“It’s because of safety,” Kylo explained and acted like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “when we’re like this, we’re just two guys going shopping. Nobody will suspect I am who I am – and that means I don’t have to take bodyguards with us.”

“So it’s just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” _And it’s wrong because I just want you for myself. Yes, it’s true, nobody will recognise me – there are so few people who have seen me without a mask. And those who did have seen me in velvet and silk and make-up. But I should still take someone with us. This is still dangerous. I just can’t let go of you._ “Just you and me.”

“That’s even more exciting.”

“Well, it’s your big day after all. I wouldn’t want it to be revolving around me and my safety.”

“That’s very thoughtful.”

“I also hope I’ll know how to pay.”

“That would be very nice.”

“How do you always know what to say?” Kylo laughed. They took the stairs nobody would expect Count Ren to take – since he was known to be very disdainful about such mundane tasks and thought himself above them. Besides, it was still rather early for him to be outside of his room.

“I’ve had years to practise my witty comebacks. I never got to say them of course but it was still the only way I could have some sort of revolt.”

“A shame.”

“No, not really, this way it crystalized into the purest form.”

“Galaxy, bow before sarcasm in its purest form.”

“Galaxy, bow before the best lame attempt at sarcasm.” The ginger waited till they reached a landing and bowed to Kylo with sparks in his eyes.

“Thank you, how kind of you.” Ren said with as straight a face as he could manage.

“Oh I try to be.”

They both started laughing as they resumed their descent. Kylo watched his companion and for the first since he had seen the man, he thought the ginger showed a genuine emotion. It was just to laugh at a stupid joke but it was a start.

…

“I refuse to take this off.”

Kylo sighed and buried his face in his hands. He had been under the impression that the ginger was a quite reasonable man with decent ideas. He had to change his opinion when they passed by a shop that displayed several onesies. And to make things worse, not only did the ginger insist on going inside and getting one of the atrocious things, he had to choose the one that made him look like a rather anatomically incorrect ewok.

It was a no win scenario. Ren could either force the slave to take it off and prove to be yet another tyrant and despot. Or he could roll with it and never have his problem solved – having replaced the atrocious slave clothes for a pyjama.

“And it looks really nice,” he forced himself to say, “but it’s a pyjama. You need something to wear during the day.”

“So I’ll buy two of them and wear one during the day and one during the night.”

“They won’t let you into the throne room if you wear a pyjama.”

“Oh, they will. You’ll tell them to let me through. You can do anything.”

Kylo wondered how he was doing in the test. He hoped the ginger’s continued childish behaviour meant he hadn’t failed yet.

“Alright, fine,” he sighed. Maybe if he showed good will, the situation would solve itself.

“Thank you,” the ginger squealed and gave Kylo a brief peck on the right cheek and disappeared behind the curtain of the fitting room. Kylo was left speechless.

“Can I get two, then?” the ginger asked when he walked out of the cubicle.

“I suppose it’s necessary since you have nothing else to wear.”

The cashier gave them a very amused look when Kylo paid and the ginger took the bag with his new clothes from her. Ren was rather uncomfortable even though he couldn’t say why – there was no way she could tell he was somebody more than just a regular man and she certainly couldn’t guess what the relationship between the pair of them was. And yet she kept eyeing him as if they were the funniest thing she’d seen the whole day, which they – if Kylo were to be completely honest with himself – probably were.

“Can I get some ice-cream?” the ginger asked and pointed over the hall to a confectionary.

“How long will you play this ‘I’m an obnoxious child for literally no reason’ game?” Kylo sighed.

“I’ll stop now when you saw it through.”

“Thank you.”

“Can I get the ice-cream though?”

“Sure.”

“Nice.”

Kylo thought about how much fun it had to be for the slave to push Kylo around like this. Maybe he should do something about it, but he couldn’t bring himself to spoil the game for the other man. His life had been hell up to this point; it was all Kylo could do to let him have some harmless fun.

The ginger smiled for himself when he realised he had already won Ren over. It hadn’t been a full day and he already had the Count wrapped around his finger. He was going to let Kylo feel like he won, eventually, just to watch him think so. Maybe he was using the man, toying with him way more than was necessary but limits had to be tested. It was strange that he had no problem with leading Kylo on like this.

“You know what, I think I’ve come up with a name,” the ginger informed Kylo when they sat down with huge portions of ice cream in their hands.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” the ginger licked the ice cream in a very peculiar manner that made Ren look away with discomfort. “I think I’ll go with Zhellday.”

“You can choose whatever name you want and you pick a day?”

“Well, I could still make it Seventeen, that sounds cool. Or Ten.”

“Are you trying to tell me something by that?”

“I’m really glad to get into your service.”

“Are you sure?” Kylo was confused. He thought it was a joke but he couldn’t see a single hint of it in the ginger’s face. Unless the man was a very good actor, he truly meant it.

“How many people can say that their name truly means something?”

“Not many, I guess,” Ren had to admit.

“See?”

“Welcome to the world, Zhellday,” Kylo raised what remained of his ice cream into the air and made a small movement as if he was toasting with it. The ginger raised his cone as well and tapped it against Ren’s. They smiled and ate the rest of their ice cream in silence.

“Have you ever been roller-skating?” Kylo asked at last.

“I don’t think it’s considered to be too important for people like me.”

“Quite the contrary, it’s very important for people like you,” Ren frowned and stood up as if to emphasize his point, “I demand this sort of experience from the people in my social group. I admit I also rather enjoy laughing at other people.”

“Your social group?” Zhellday chuckled, “your social group involves Darth Vader’s portrait and me.”

“I can’t really make grandpa’s portrait skate, can I?”

“I won’t let you laugh at me.”

“Let me decide that.”

“Oh I won’t. I’m deciding my own fate now, do you remember?”

“Let’s see about your fate, then.”

…

The roller-skating area was much bigger than the one Kylo used to frequent with his father as a child. It was also rather less dingy and filthy and it disappointed him for a while. Then he pulled himself together and pushed away the stupid childhood memories of a father who disappointed him in everything but this one hobby.

Zhellday looked excited, as far as Kylo could say with the limited knowledge he had of the expressions of the stoic ginger. They borrowed a pair of skates each and laced them up with precise, concentrated pulls.

“Ready?” Kylo smiled and stood up. He tried to hide the fact that he hadn’t skated for years.

“For what? Proving to you that not being too bad at this shit is not that hard?” Zhellday smirked, stood up too and hardly managed to remain standing when he put too much confidence in himself.

“Right. That.” Kylo laughed and walked over to the skating area. There were just a few people at this hour. He opened the boards and waited for the ginger to come to him.

“Thank you, this is so thoughtful of you,” Zhellday smirked ironically, hoping to conceal the fact that he was making tiny steps not to fall.

It really was one of the skills you don’t actually forget. Kylo found that out after a few rounds when it all came back to him. Soon enough he could go backwards and do a trick or two as well. And Zhellday… well, he must have done it before, Kylo decided. It just wasn’t possible to look this graceful the first time he tried the skates on. But after watching the ginger’s inevitable falls, he realised the elegance had nothing to do with actual skill. Kylo wondered whether it was something that came to the ginger naturally or if it was a part of his training. Ren tried not to think of it too much.

“You should have bought me some pillows to stuff my ass with,” Zhellday huffed when Kylo helped him up one more time.

“You’ll learn a lot quicker when it hurts,” Ren shrugged.

“Please don’t say that again,” the ginger went a little pale and Kylo nodded.

“How about you hold onto me and I take you on a round or two?” he suggested after a while.

“Alright.”

“I promise not to drop you.”

“You’d better keep it or I swear to whatever you hold dear you’ll pay for it.”

“Hold on,” Kylo warned when he felt a pair of warm hands settling on his waist.

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just gave me a piggyback ride?” Zhellday snorted. Ren didn’t dignify that with a response other than accelerating to a quite high speed even with the other man clinging onto him. He remembered doing this with his father before it started to feel too intimate.

“I might throw up on you,” Zhellday announced just as Kylo took a dangerous turn. It disrupted Kylo’s concentration and he stumbled a little. Which would have been fine if Zhellday didn’t bounce into him.

It wasn’t fine.

Kylo fell onto his stomach before he could put his hands under himself to soften the fall. His teeth ground together in a rather painful impact and his chin felt funny.

“You said you wouldn’t drop me,” Zhellday complained as he stood up and helped Kylo get up. “Oh my god, you’re bleeding.”

“What?”

“Your chin. Let’s go, you should get it tended to, it doesn’t look very good.”

Kylo caught a drop of blood just before it could fall onto the ground. Zhellday wrapped his arm around Ren’s waist and navigated him back to their belongings.

“Wait here, I’ll get you some napkins or something.” Zhellday changed back into his shoes in a hurry and ran away.

Kylo just nodded and watched his blood dripping into his hand. He could feel the wound throbbing.

“Are you alright?”

Ren raised his head and found the administrator looking at him with worry.

“Oh yes, I’m just peachy,” Kylo spat and hissed when he moved his wound and it hurt.

“Should I call you a medic?” The man ignored Kylo’s hostile words.

“I don’t know.”

Zhellday came back with a roll of toilet paper and fell to his knees in front of Kylo. Ren accepted the paper with gratitude and wiped his hands with it before holding it under his chin.

“Excuse me,” the administrator looked at the ginger with confusion, “are you a medic?”

“No, of course not,” Zhellday shook his head.

“Should I call one?”

“I’ve already called one, thank you.”

The administrator ran away and Kylo gave Zhellday a puzzled look.

“Called?”

“I took your comm and called your stupid security service. They should be here in a while,” the ginger explained matter-of-factly as he removed Kylo’s skates as well.

“My comm is password protected.”

“Protected? If anything, that password weakens it.”

“So you’re a genius hacker now?”

“Your password is Darth Vader 1. I didn’t need to be a genius or a hacker to get that.”

“Is there something you can’t do?”

“Stitch your cut myself, for instance,” Zhellday’s fingers lingered on Kylo’s ankles a little longer than necessary. “And shut up, you’re making it worse.”

Kylo mimicked locking his mouth with his hand and reached for more paper to catch the blood. The ginger sat beside him and took Ren’s left hand. It was cold and trembling and when he looked closer, he could see Kylo was shivering all over.

“It’ll be alright,” he said, reached for Kylo’s jacket and put it on Ren’s shoulders.

Kylo’s bodyguards arrived after a few minutes and took him into a speeder. Zhellday took their things and followed them, grateful for nobody asking him any questions. He wondered whether they knew who he was or if they were really so professional to act first, ask questions later even in a situation as trivial as this. Either way, they let him come in and stay by Kylo’s side which was all that mattered.

A medic inspected Kylo’s wound and confirmed what Zhellday had thought – the wound needed stitches. The sewing took just a couple of moments and Kylo was clutching the ginger’s hand with so much strength Zhellday feared for his bones. They arrived to the palace before Zhellday knew it and this time they took a turbolift to Ren’s room.

“I gave him some painkillers so he should be alright. Make him rest and drink some water and keep him warm,” the medic told Zhellday before he parted. The ginger thanked him and led Kylo to the bed, took his shoes and jacket off and tucked him under the covers.

“Do you remember how you said you didn’t want to rush me to a hospital today?” Zhellday asked as he took his own shoes off.

“I didn’t break that,” Kylo murmured feebly, “it was me who needed to be attended and we weren’t in an actual hospital. So it doesn’t count.”

“Right,” the ginger smiled and climbed into the bed with Kylo.

“And I won,” Ren pointed out when they settled down, Kylo’s head on Zhellday’s chest.

“I’m sure stitches in your chin can be seen as a prize,” Zhellday snickered.

“No. But making you stay in bed for the whole day is.”

“How did you even get to have any sort of power?”

“I’m charming and beautiful.”

“And clumsy.”

“That must be you,” Kylo said resolutely, “up until now I was a skating champion.”

“Right.”

“I was,” Kylo whined.

“You know, I was going to let you win,” Zhellday said suddenly, “I was going to let you buy me some regular clothes at the end.”

“No you weren’t,” Kylo shook his head, “you’re just a tease.”

“I really was.”

“If you’re going to keep me in bed there’s no need for you to have something that doesn’t make you look like a too tall and skinny ewok.”

“I’m an adorable ewok.”

“You’re an adorable anything, trust me. That doesn’t give you the right to wear an atrocious ewok-looking pyjama,” Kylo mumbled and closed his eyes. Zhellday watched him breathe and ran his finger’s through Kylo’s hair, removing the bobby pins and hair elastics he had put there in the morning. He felt peaceful.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support, I didn't expect to get such nice feedback on this story and I'm so happy that I did because it's kind more personal since it's an AU. (Does it make sense? I suppose just to me but whatever.) More importantly, please keep it up, I'm such an attention-seeker.


	3. Collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry and I won't bother you with excuses, I don't have any that could really withstand so without further ado, here goes chapter 3.  
> Warning for referenced suicide in this chapter.

Zhellday learnt more about Kylo during that afternoon than he had known of any other person during his whole life. The best thing about Ren was his ceaseless talking – even though it probably would have been annoying otherwise, Zhellday appreciated that there was no time and pressure for him to speak about himself. He also wondered whether Kylo chattered so much as a general rule or whether he just hadn’t had a keen listener for a very long time and needed to vent. But then again, it could have been the painkillers.

When Ren fell asleep, Zhellday lay awake for some time, watching the man at his side and thinking of the day. When he watched the Count breathe evenly, his features beautiful and innocent, he almost dismissed his fear. Almost. Everyone looked peaceful in their sleep and Zhellday knew better than most people power didn’t come to you just because you asked nicely. Just because he had seen the childish, romantic side of Ren who was touch-starved and clueless how to deal with people, he shouldn’t expect the man was all sunshine and kindness. There were some points in his rambling that made Zhellday feel like that wasn’t the whole story, as if Kylo was keeping some of the bits to himself, maybe afraid of the other man’s reaction. It was adorable, really. Zhellday didn’t gain his special treatment back at the slave base by being nice and pretty. It was cute that Ren thought the ginger would be horrified by some of the things he had done. 

Zhellday was just about to drift off when some sort of alarm went off. He sat up with his heart pounding in his chest, waiting for a bomb to explode or an earthquake to swallow up the whole house. He looked over at Kylo, startled to realise the man was still asleep. It didn’t seem possible – surely he must have been unconscious. Nobody could be asleep in as much noise as that. 

Either way, Zhellday had to do something unless he wanted to leave Ren behind to get killed by whatever the siren was a warning of. He realised that he was increasing his chances of dying in a flame by sitting around and gaping, so he placed a hand on Kylo’s shoulder and shook with the man. 

“Ren, wake up, we’ve got to go,” he said when he got no response. To his astonishment, Kylo really did open his eyes and looked around with confusion. When his brain processed the information it was receiving, he reached for his nightstand and pressed a button that silenced the screaming of the siren.

“Come on, what are you waiting for?” Zhellday called at him from the other side of the bed. 

“What?” Kylo muttered sleepily and ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back from his eyes.

“The alarm?” Zhellday threw his arms around, pointing to everything and nothing at the same time.

“That’s not an alarm, it just means something urgent happened and I should attend a meeting,” Ren got up from the bed and went over to his wardrobe to put something over his boxers. 

“Why does it sound like a nuclear alarm?” 

“It’s not really easy to wake me up,” Kylo shrugged and threw several pieces of clothing on the bed.

“I figured,” Zhellday said as he climbed back into the bed, “how often does it happen?”

“That depends,” Kylo called from the closet where he was digging for a pair of shoes, “when the Resistance has a good moment, it can be twice a week. But then again, sometimes nothing happens for months.”

“Well that’s lovely.”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you,” Ren apologized as he finally found what he was looking for and went to the bed to dress, “it just didn’t cross my mind that you could get worried.”

“It’s a fucking fire-alarm,” Zhellday grumbled. Then he realised what he said and went red. “Sorry.”

“I think your expression was rather appropriate,” Kylo laughed, “you can talk however you want. I won’t get horrified by a swear word or two.”

“And it didn’t even wake you up.”

“Yeah, I sleep like a baby,” Ren shrugged and let Zhellday button up his tunic while he put on a pair of leggings. The he shrugged on a jacket and a cloak that looked so pretentious Zhellday started to laugh.

“You really do think Darth Vader is a plausible choice for a fashion idol, don’t you?” 

“It makes me look dignified,” Kylo protested as he buckled his belt. 

“No it doesn’t, come here.” Zhellday reached for the hairbrush they had left on Kylo’s nightstand and made space between his thighs for Kylo to sit down. He was disappointed when he found out Ren’s hair didn’t get tangled and didn’t really need combing so he just ruffled it a little.

“This looks bad,” Zhellday murmured and ran his thumb over Kylo’s chin, “I might be able to cover the bruise but the cut would still be visible and my make-up is definitely a different shade.”

“It’s okay. I fell, I got injured,” Kylo shrugged, “I’ll pretend I got it while fighting.”

“How?” Zhellday laughed, “Should I write it on a piece of paper and stick it to your forehead?”

“I’ll look like it’s not a big deal.”

“Sure you will. Now go on and find out what all this fuss is about,” Zhellday smiled and moved back to his side of the bed.

“Aren’t you coming with?” Kylo asked, puzzled. It sent warmth into Zhellday’s chest.

“I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to introduce me to your minions during a crisis,” the ginger said simply.

“You’re probably right.”

“Of course I am,” Zhellday rolled his eyes in jest, “how did you survive without me?”

“Go back to sleep. It might take hours for me to come back.” 

Kylo gave his companion one last look before turning around dramatically, showing off the swish his cloak made. He left the room with the sound of Zhellday’s laughter in his ears.

Zhellday lay on his back, staring at the ceiling above him. He didn’t feel like falling asleep, and despite having decided to rather stay behind, he was terribly curious as to what had happened and he knew that if he fell asleep, Ren would never wake him up when he got back. He had to keep himself awake for some time and his first idea made him sneak his hand down his borrowed pyjama bottoms.

He had thought he had had enough of this, at least for some time. And yet, it had been two days and he was already touching himself as if he was a horny teenager. Old habits did seem to die slow.

He was usually quite efficient in getting himself off just mechanically, his body taught to react to the lightest touch. This time though, he found himself picturing the cock in his hand wasn’t his. Kylo was sprawled in the bed beneath him in all his virgin cuteness and glory, writhing and making tiny puffy sounds. It surprised Zhellday just how short time he needed to finish, letting out just a civilized deeper breath. 

He waited for some time, descending the wave of pleasure before he’d go wash himself. He realised one thing – while he did indeed imagine giving Kylo a handjob, while he was clearly attracted to the man, he didn’t want to do anything about it in reality. So far, Kylo seemed too good to be true and Zhellday was afraid that once he broke the innocence of their relations, he Ren would turn out to be just like the other men who had ever used him. The more time in blissful naivety he could get the better. His instincts told him to repay Kylo for the kindness he had expressed, his cunning advised him to bind him in a net of pleasure he would never want to leave, his fear wanted him to make concessions so that Ren wouldn’t ask for more. 

Except Ren forbid him any sort of intimacy that Zhellday wasn’t completely comfortable with. And as much as rules tended to mean little to Zhellday, an explicit order was an explicit order. He couldn’t really understand why Kylo acted that way; he could see the desire in the Count’s eyes, he could feel them on his body. Perhaps it was some sort of game for Ren - perhaps he wanted to create a false sense of security within Zhellday before he crushed him and treated him like the sex slave he was. For a day, Zhellday had almost believed he was a human being, that he had some value. Thinking about it, he came to know better. He will still act like he accepted Ren’s game, it will be safer, but he will not be fooled. He was only as good as his services, and so far he hadn’t shown much. 

Zhellday rolled over, got up and walked over into the bathroom. He took off his clothes, examined the bottom and found it unfit to use again. He stepped into the shower cubicle and let warm water run down his body. Just like so many times before in his life, he attempted to avoid running his fingers over his tattoos and failed. 

He could ignore the one surrounding his left nipple, a First Order insignia in black ink. He earned that one, they only gave it to those who proved especially useful. He wasn’t really proud of how exactly he came to own it but at least it was a direct result of his own actions. 

His other one, the more visible one, the token of his shame and humiliation, he couldn’t overlook. He raised his left hand to the level of his eyes, glaring at the intertwined red lines marking his wrist and felt the need to carve it out again, just like he did years ago. It didn’t turn out well, he almost bled to death and they put it back as soon as his skin healed enough for the cuts not to open again. _You belong to us_ , they screamed, _you will never get away from us_ , they cut deep, _you are nothing, nothing, nothing_ , they whispered in his dreams when he was too tired to fight. 

But he wasn’t with them anymore. Maybe Ren wouldn’t care all that much if he cut it out, got rid of it, burnt it. Perhaps he’d even praise Zhellday for doing that and sparing them both the embarrassment of him being visibly labeled as a sex slave. Yet Zhellday wasn’t entirely sure he could do it again. It took a great deal of courage to take the scalpel last time, and he was desperate and didn’t really care how much blood went with it. He wasn’t desperate this time. In fact, he was feeling more hope at the single moment in the shower than he had ever dared imagine. Maybe if he didn’t break out of character, Ren would keep being good to him. Most importantly though, he knew something he hadn’t back then - the pain. The agony of realizing this was too much, that he might die and he didn’t want to die after all, the terror when the hemorrhage just wouldn’t stop. And then the terrible weeks of recovery when every waking moment was a torture, and almost every moment was a waking moment because they wouldn’t give him a lot of painkillers not to get him addicted. 

Zhellday closed his eyes and let his hand drop again. He had lived with the tattoo for his whole life, he might as well carry on with it. He washed himself quickly, turned the water off and scrubbed himself dry with the huge and fluffy towel Kylo had given him. Then he put on his tunic and picked up his stained pyjama bottoms to wash them in the sink. He hanged them over the heating system, beside his towel and went to the bedroom. 

He would prefer to find a clean pair of boxers or something else to put on but he didn’t dare go sniffing around Ren’s possessions. He crawled under the cover and stared at the ceiling. It was a refreshing sensation, waiting for someone to come into bed because he wanted to, not because he couldn’t afford falling asleep. Perhaps he’d learn how to ignore the crimson tattoo as well.

…

They started the meeting without him. Kylo thought for a fleeting moment whether he shouldn’t do something about it but he dismissed the thought. It always takes him time to get there and besides, he expects his consultants to present him some options and suggestions and the more time they had to think it through, the better. It wasn’t that much of a problem if they didn’t wait for him, right? What could happen?

“My Lord,” they mumbled and bowed a little when they noticed Ren’s arrival. They pretended not to stare at his chin and some even managed to make it believable. The Count nodded and took his seat at the end of the conference table. He glanced at the projection above it and quickly understood what the problem was. 

“How is it possible that the Resistance managed to attack my armory?” he asked coldly. He could feel anger bubbling up within him. This wasn’t a funny little sabotage for the sake of propaganda - they had hit one of his vital bases.

“Since the intruders expressed an alarmingly good knowledge of our base, we assume they must have had an inside man within our ranks. My men are looking for the culprit as we speak.” 

Alesar Cutuza, the head of secret services and armed forces, was a rather ambitious man with a thing for unnecessarily formal manner of speech and expensive clothing. While Ren thought he was a sleazy conspirator and didn’t trust him at all, he had not found a way how to dispose of him just yet. Besides, it was better to keep Cutuza under supervision and close rather than anger him and allow him to go into an active opposition. Ren hoped that by giving him great amounts of money and power to satisfy his needs and ego he would make him undermine Ren’s authority only to the point where it would harm the Count, not ruin him. And, unlike some others, Cutuza didn’t actually have a heap of hay instead of a brain.

“Oh that is very interesting,” Ren said sarcastically, “I thought your organisation was supposed to find Resistance spies before they blow half of my weaponry up.”

“The loss wasn’t that significant,” Fern Hernandillo, the secretary for finances spoke before Cutuza got a chance to defend himself. “The adversaries hit the most secured part of the base. They were smothered by the safety measures. Only an insignificant section of the base was damaged and will easily be replaced.”

“If the Resistance dared to land at Stellar III, which, as all of us and I’m sure they as well realise, is the third most important place supporting my reign right after this planet, they didn’t do it to mildly damage the most important section of it and die at it for nothing. Either they wanted to make a statement - and then they’d try to do as much harm as possible. Or they wanted something specific from my vault. What is it?”

Ren looked from the secretary back to Cutuza who was most likely to know the answer. From the glance he exchanged with Leera Harton, the expert on technology and weaponry, Ren knew he would not like what he’d hear. 

“They’ve taken the lightsaber crystals.” 

It was the tall, dark-skinned woman who spoke, assuming it was her responsibility. She wasn’t really in charge of the security of the crystals but it was her area of expertise. It wasn’t her technology that backfired though so she found it safe to speak up.

“Why?” Ren barked. He wasn’t looking at Harton and just this once she didn’t mind. She always thought Ren didn’t really appreciate her work, that he took her for granted. It was true, but only partially. While Kylo did expect her to do her best, he realised how much weight he put on her shoulders but he was sure she could take it because she was the best scientist he had ever met. What Kylo didn’t know was that from time to time, it would be nice to also let her know it.

“They opened the outer gate with an override card and then blew the inner walls with explosives. We found three dead around the vault but somehow they managed to get the crystals out.”

“No, you and your people will answer for that later,” Ren raised his hand to silence Cutuza, “My question is why they stole the crystals? What is their intention? Did Luke Skywalker come back from the dead to have a new try at training children? Do they want to power some sort of super weapon with them?”

“I have not received any intelligence regarding Luke Skywalker resuming his teaching - or anyone else, for that matter. Moreover, it would be easier to just acquire the crystals naturally. I believe the Resistance did this to harm you in particular. To send a message perhaps.”

There was silence in the room while everyone contemplated the implications of Cutuza’s words. Nobody dared speak first because they knew that whoever drew Ren’s attention to themselves would be the target of his fury. And they could see his fury very well. His eyes were narrowed, his hands clutched into fists and he was clearly trying not to scream.

“Then we must reply in kind,” he said finally. Cutuza looked at him with mild surprise - such a composed reaction was unusual for Ren. “I want to deal with the Resistance once and for all. We’ll take all the ships we have and strike on all their bases we know of. They won’t be able to maintain all the others.”

“We don’t possess enough firepower for an operation this massive. It would have a disastrous outcome.” Cutuza pointed out.

“Why is my fleet not bigger then?” 

“With all due respect, M’lord,” the secretary for finances, a timid bespectacled man whose features were just a little bit off to pass as a human, didn’t look Kylo in the eyes and studied something on his data-pad instead, “you forbade many things that would have great benefits for your finances. That forced many corporations and organisations to go into hiding and operate on the black market which meant a loss of income from taxes. Secondly, many of your reforms are very costly, for instance the education one. We did not anticipate a war therefore the army didn’t get a priority.”

“I cannot hope to build a stable realm with slavery, drug dealing and illiteracy.”

“We warned you where the reforms would lead - all they got you was loss of the money. You can’t hope to get rid of problems by simply wanting them to disappear.”

Everybody turned their heads to Art’me, the last member of the council who had been silent up to now. She was not in charge of any particular department but she always had a spot in the meetings because she wasn’t afraid to oppose Ren and everyone realized how irreplaceable that was. Nobody knew where she came from and nobody dared ask and she never spoke of anything more personal than her choice of lunch. 

“We’ll discuss the fact that slavery not only exists but someone even deemed it fit to put a sex slave into my bed, but later,” Ren made a pause to watch the four of them as he said that. Art’me’s face was impossible to read as always, Harton looked properly shocked and disgusted, Hernandillo looked away in hope Ren won’t suspect him of buying the slave and Cutuza feigned surprise. It didn’t prove anything - and Kylo suspected he had known about Zhellday already. He wasn’t bad at his job, he just sometimes neglected the passing-the-information-on part of it. “Right now, I want to know what to do with this situation. I hope you all agree we must react.”

“How about you show people you’re better than the Resistance? Your power is not established enough for you to just fly around destroying things. Many planets joined you only in hope of personal gain - the New Republic failed to do much but quarrel in the Senate they hold so dear, and people are tired of it. Your reforms did get you the support of the ordinary but you must convince the smarter and the more powerful you are worth it as well.” 

Kylo frowned a little but Art’me knew he listened to her. It had obviously never crossed his mind - however intelligent he seemed, he was still a little boy set on getting revenge against his parents. She didn’t know what exactly the problem Ren had with them was but she knew it was a fundamental part of him and needed to be taken into consideration. 

“So, let’s say it is better to show I have the moral higher ground,” Ren paused and seemed to revel in the image of having something over his mother, his perfect mother, the icon of the Rebellion, the perfect General who so graciously gave up her princess title. The mother everyone loved and praised for her goodness, the mother he had barely seen growing up because there were so many people who needed her more when Ben was afraid. “How do I do it?”

“Give people the feeling you listen to them and their opinions. Go on tours to let them see you. What the Resistance has over you is giving people the sense of being in charge of things. I don’t suggest installing democracy, that’s the most fragile political system there is, but give them the sense of it.”

“And they’d believe it?” Kylo raised an eyebrow, puzzled, “Just like that?”

“Most people are dumb,” she replied, “they only need to be told to believe something and they will.”

“And am I not doing essentially the same thing now?” 

“Well, at least you realize it, you know. Besides, it’s just a suggestion. You can still carry out your massive destruction plan if you want, I don’t really care.” 

“What _do_ you care about though?” Ren tilted his head and studied the enigmatic face of his counsellor.

“I don’t need much,” she shrugged, unimpressed by Kylo’s inspecting gaze, “as long as I have a roof above my head and some bread to break.”

Ren let the subject drop because it wasn’t leading anywhere, just like all his previous attempts to get anything personal out of Art’me. He couldn’t not try though. He turned to Cutuza instead: “What do you suggest?” 

“As much as I dislike sitting with my hands in my lap, I think right now waiting is the only option, until I can be confident about the size of the fleet. Trying to appeal to the masses doesn’t seem to do any harm.”

“How long would it take?”

“I cannot tell,” Cutuza admitted, “A year, a decade? There are too many questions - Was this an isolated case or is the Resistance going to demolish our property on regular basis? How many reforms you’re planning to take that will require millions of credits?”

“I didn’t ask for assumptions,” Ren cut him off and turned to Harton, “How is your progress with the weapons we spoke about?” 

“Most of the glitches we had found have been resolved but I’m still not certain about their serviceability to deem them finished.”

“So I really ought to wait,” Kylo said, pensive. “We’ll discuss the details in the morning. I expect my base will be fully operational and fixed by then.”

“Yes, M’lord,” Cutuza and Harton said at the same time, neither sure whether Ren’s words were meant for them or not.

“Good night,” Kylo got up and walked out of the room. He sighed when he was in the corridor again - he was frustrated, he had a head-ache and his injured chin throbbed when he ground his teeth together absent-mindedly. And now they tell him to be patient. To wait. Not to retaliate. 

For the love of Vader, he was their ruler. He didn’t play some stupid game, he didn’t care. He just wanted to put order to the galaxy because well, he was the messiest person alive and it was tearing him apart. Maybe if he surrounded himself with order and what he wanted to have as a child, maybe it would ease his mind. Maybe.

…

Zhellday felt his eyelids getting heavy again. He got out of the bed, glanced at Ren’s alarm clock and realized he had been alone for almost two hours. At least his pajama bottom almost dried during that time so he put it on again, ignoring the dampness of the hem, and wandered around the room a bit more. Kylo’s data-pad was lying on the table where he had left it and Zhellday resisted the urge to borrow it - if only to play some mind-numbing game - for a long time. Then he sighed and pushed it to the farther side of the table to express his resolution not to touch other people’s things. 

Later on, he walked over to the window and pulled the curtains away to look out. The room was on the twenty-third floor and offered a truly spectacular look down. _Probably a spectacular fall as well_ , Zhellday mused darkly when he remembered one of the girls who were kept with him when they were still kids and didn’t have enough value to be trained separately. She was a little thing, so slim and short you would barely notice her if it wasn’t for her bright blue hair. She looked a lot younger than she was supposed to be and she seemed to have been taken recently - Zhellday sometimes heard her mumble about her parents from her sleep. She was a delicate thing and something told Zhellday she wouldn’t be with them long. He didn’t know where the thought came from so he dismissed it because really, what did it mean? There was no way out of First Order. He had learnt of the escape the hard way, looking at her petite body broken and spattered all over the ground. They made the bars closer together after that. In the years that came, Zhellday often wished he was brave enough like the nameless girl whose face sometimes haunted him at night. But he wasn’t and the bars were too close now anyway.

He stepped back from the glass, suddenly feeling sick. He hadn’t thought about the girl in years, why was she back now? Because he thought that maybe everything in life wasn’t bad? Or maybe because for the first time in ages he could look out through a window without iron obscuring the view. He sat down and made himself stare in front of him, to only watch the city lights and traffic far off in the distance in attempt to forget about the emptiness below.

He was still sitting there, thinking about everything and nothing, when Kylo came back. They didn’t notice each other at first - Kylo sneaked in almost soundlessly because he expected Zhellday to be asleep and didn’t want to wake him. He took off his cloak and shoes before the ginger heard him and was almost naked save for his underwear before Zhellday spoke.

“What was it?” He was still sitting down with his back to Kylo. Ren jumped a little, startled by the voice.

“The Resistance, they broke into one of my bases,” he answered and walked over to the other man. He stood there for a while and after a moment he sat down beside Zhellday, “why are you awake?”

“I wanted to wait for you. I’m nosey, you know.”

“I think they’re trying to make me mad and do something stupid,” Kylo said after a long stretch of silence between them, “they took away my power crystals. And for what? Three of their people died there and it must have taken days to prepare the plan.”

“They’re desperate,” Zhellday pointed out, his eyes still fixed on the horizon. It was staring to get lighter, the darkness giving a way to the planet’s sun. Zhellday wondered whether he had ever seen a planet with so much daylight.

“What do you think I should do?” Kylo asked out of a sudden. He didn’t know why he even thought consulting a sex slave about state affairs was a good idea but something in Zhellday’s ruminative eyes urged him to speak.

“Wait until _they_ do something stupid,” the ginger finally looked away from the window and there was some emotion in his face that Kylo couldn’t quite place but which fascinated him nonetheless, “let them starve. Let them fall on their faces. You know, like with annoying kids - if you leave them alone, they’ll stop eventually.”

“My counsellors think I should try to make people like me.”

“That shouldn’t be too hard for you,” Zhellday shrugged, “give them your puppy eyes or take off your clothes, I’m sure they’ll love you.”

“That’s very funny.”

“Of course it is, that’s why you’re smiling.”

“I’m smiling because you’re an idiot.”

“Perhaps you could just disappear, you know? Go undercover and walk among the people to know what they think, see what they want and then give it to them.” Zhellday said after a little pause. He looked at Kylo’s profile that looked blueish and sickly in the light of the traffic from outside the glass-panels. 

“Like a vacation,” Ren smiled, tasting the word on his tongue, “that would be nice.”

They sat in silence again and Zhellday caught himself closing his eyes against his will, waking up more effortfully each time with a jerk of his head. Kylo noticed and stood up, offering his hand to his companion. It was accepted with gratitude.

“Are your hands always this warm?” Zhellday mused, half-asleep as Kylo maneuvered him towards the bed. 

“Only when the person holding it is very pretty,” Ren replied and tucked the ginger in, pulling the blanket over him.

“I like holding your hand.”

“I like that too.” 

“Can I keep it for the night?” 

“I think you can as long as you give it back when I need it.” Kylo simpered and shifted his palm in Zhellday’s to make himself more comfortable. “Goodnight, Zhellday.”


	4. Docility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me a month again but it's twice as long as the previous chapters so yay!

“I’d like you to come to the council meeting with me today,” Kylo said over his pancakes. Zhellday had refused to abandon his customary oatmeal and Kylo didn’t bother him about it too much since Zhellday seemed to find comfort in it. They shared a plate of various fruits, Zhellday picking out the most common types and leaving all the peculiarly shaped and coloured ones for his companion. 

“I think I’d like that,” Zhellday replied, carefully choosing his words. In truth, he was excited at the prospect of attending the meeting but showing too much enthusiasm for something wasn’t a good way to go in most cases. Long ago, Zhellday had learnt pretending to be uninterested or just mildly concerned about something usually got you closer to obtaining it than openly desiring it. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Kylo smiled. There was a smear of chocolate just above his upper lip. Zhellday was torn between a wish to wipe it off and shyness that warned him not to make his owner aware of any flaw on his part, however small. 

“Thank you,” he mumbled instead and his eyes lost the ability to leave Kylo’s mouth. 

“Is that a ‘thank you for the offer but I’m going’ or ‘thank you for giving me the opportunity to back out of this without me having to say so’ thank you?” Kylo asked and he tried to look reassuring. Zhellday felt conflicted again. Why did Kylo seem like a miracle that only happened in stories? It was so difficult to control his emotions with someone so radiant offering him kindness he had never known. Zhellday soaked it up like a sponge, basked in it like in sunshine after a long rain. He was quickly forming a bond to this person his mind wasn’t ready to make just yet. It wasn’t the first time he had found a handler who would be kind to him; Kylo was by far the most convincing and youngest as well but Zhellday wasn’t going to get burned again. If only his heart wasn’t so desperate for affection. 

“It’s a ‘thank you for the offer to back out of this without saying so myself because I wouldn’t be able to but I would really like to go’ thank you.” 

He couldn’t believe he said it. That was unnecessarily long and certainly too revealing. It hardly ever happened to Zhellday, speaking without thinking, but Kylo’s warm eyes short-circuited his brain. 

“I know this will take you a while, and I promise to try to be patient as you learn it, but please, if you want or don’t want something, just tell me. You’re a person and you’re entitled to your own preferences. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me.” 

They remained in silence for a while. Zhellday was scraping his spoon against the bottom of his bowl as if in attempt to get even the last bits of oatmeal stuck there. Kylo looked at it and recognised it as an effort to maintain control over the situation. He knew it all too well – if you concentrated on something mundane and simple and did it with a lot of determination, you could force your heartbeat to settle. In that moment, having someone talk to you wasn’t very helpful. If you had tendencies to get violent, it could end rather badly for them.

“You have chocolate on your face,” Zhellday blurted out after an internal struggle. Kylo raised his eyebrow in surprise and raised a napkin to his mouth. “The other side.”

“Is it gone?” 

“Not yet, no…uh, can-can I?”

“Sure thing.”

Zhellday reached for Kylo’s face tentatively and brushed his thumb over the stain. It didn’t disappear. Zhellday frowned.

“It won’t come off.”

Kylo wetted the spot with his tongue. “Try it now?” 

Zhellday was too mesmerised by the idea of touching Kylo’s mouth to be embarrassed. He reached out again and this time the smear let go. The remains of the chocolate were on Zhellday’s thumb along with Kylo’s saliva. Out of a sudden, the realisation of what he was doing dawned on Zhellday. He turned bright red and pulled his hand away.

“It’s gone now,” he mumbled and wiped his hand with a napkin. 

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.”

…

“I can’t believe we didn’t buy you a single piece of clothing suitable for any occasion different than rolling around in bed.” Kylo said in frustration and looked at Zhellday who was standing in front of him naked except for a pair of briefs and seemed to enjoy himself. There was a flirtatious glimmer in his smile. 

“Well I wanted that cloak and pants but you just wouldn’t let me,” he shook his head, feigning disbelief,“you _insisted_ I must get those onesies.”

“You’re back to being a little shit, aren’t you?” Kylo raised an eyebrow.

“I prefer to call it absolute delight, but whatever suits you,” Zhellday shrugged and walked closer to Kylo. He got lost in the moment, too many of his instincts and memories resembled the situation that he just couldn’t refuse to act on it. He was almost naked, his master was pretending to be angry with him and oh how could he redeem himself? “Or perhaps a piece of paradise?”

He reached for Kylo’s belt and hooked his fingers in the loops. He yanked it and brought Kylo almost to his body. 

“But if you insist ‘little shit’ is where you want to go… well. I can’t argue with that, can I?” Zhellday tilted his head back a little to look into Ren’s eyes. His thick orange eyelashes brushed the air with a frivolity that had to be innate. With one more blink, he shifted his weight onto his tiptoes and brushed his lips against Kylo’s in a ghost of a touch that was barely a proper kiss and yet dripped with want. It was closely followed by a second.

“Zhellday,” Kylo broke it before it got too far for him to end it, “are you sure you want this? Absolutely sure?”

“I am…sure you want it.” Zhellday sucked on his lower lip. He looked terribly lost and out of place like a puppy that got kicked and didn’t understand why. 

“That’s not the same.” 

“Alright.”

“You mustn’t put my wishes before your own. I can’t deny my attraction to you but I can’t act on it if you don’t want me to. I need you to be absolutely sure you would like to kiss me before you do it, no matter how much you think I am desperate for it. I wouldn’t enjoy it if I knew you were uncomfortable with it.” 

“I’m not uncomfortable,” Zhellday protested feebly. 

“There’s a difference between being willing to do something and wanting to do it.”

“Are you discontented with me?” There was dread in Zhellday’s eyes. He suddenly realised that if Kylo didn’t want to use him for what he was intended, there might be no reason for him to stay at all. He realised fully what implications being sent away from Kylo could have for him. “Will you send me away?”

“Why?” Kylo was confused. “Do you _want_ to leave?” 

“No,” the single word sprung out of Zhellday in a heartbeat. He took Kylo’s hands into his own, begging him to understand. 

“Are you afraid I’ll send you back to… the people who sold you to me?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not sending you away if you want to stay,” Kylo promised and squeezed Zhellday’s hands to reassure him, “I want you to feel welcome here. You’re not obligated to do anything, just stay with me and respect yourself.”

“Okay.” Zhellday said. He didn’t really know what ‘respect yourself’ meant for him, how he could do it when all his dignity and self-worth was taken away from him. But he could try.

“I’ll find you some clothes,” Kylo rubbed his thumb over Zhellday’s hands before letting them go.

“Okay.”

What Kylo found at last wasn’t ideal at all but it didn’t fall off or make Zhellday disappear in it and that was all they could ask for in that moment. The ginger put it on and immediately tried to pull his sleeves into his fists. Ren turned around and searched for something within his jewellery box before turning back with broad silver bands in each hand.

“Take these. It will look better than what you’re doing now.” 

“Thank you, they’re beautiful,” Zhellday breathed out and accepted them. He turned them over and over in his fingers before slipping them onto each wrist. 

“I knew I should have bought them back when I first saw them and I couldn’t figure out why because they were too small for me. Must have been fate,” Kylo smiled.

“You’re making this awkward.” 

“You’re right, let’s go.”

…

“I’ve never found out why exactly you became a count – that sounds really fancy, by the way, I like it. Your mother is the face of the rebellion that overthrew the Empire – led conveniently by her father, your beloved Darth Vader among other people – and your father is also very well-known, even if not exclusively for noble deeds such as bringing down tyrannies. Your uncle is the man trying to bring the Jedi order back to life. And what do you do? Run away from home and install a new galactic…er…county, I suppose. Something in this smells fishy to me.”

Zhellday had been waiting to ask this ever since he stepped into the palace. Of course he had heard the story earlier as well but he never cared for it, Kylo Ren was too far away from his world to matter. He didn’t even know what the man looked like until he saw him enter the bedroom. He supposed late was still better than never. 

“It’s a bit too long a story for a walk to my throne room but I’ll give you some idea now and elaborate on it later when we’re alone,” Kylo replied and fixed his necklace. Zhellday noticed he did that when he was nervous. “My father wasn’t home all that much when I was a kid. When he did come, my mother would slap him and shout at him, then get all soft at seeing him again and then we’d be a nice little family for a while. I suppose the sex must have been really good because she was only so much at home when he was there, especially for the nights. Then they’d start arguing again, or some issue would arise and father would leave to smuggle this or steal that again. Mother usually buried herself in work afterwards. I don’t know if it got better or worse after I left. I just know, they couldn’t be together, not for long, but they kept going back and trying as if nobody else was an option for them.”

“How did you fit in all that?” 

“Not much, that’s for sure,” Kylo said and let out a little dry laughter, “For all I know I sort of just happened and neither of them really knew what to do with me. When I’m in a forgiving mood, I imagine them being too broken and damaged by the war to realise if you have sex, you should do something to prevent consequences. I suppose they were feeling lonely and sought comfort in each other and then one rainy, ugly day I came to existence.”

“So they treated you badly?” Zhellday frowned, “That’s horrible. There are people who would give everything for a baby.”

“Don’t make my anger worse, I’ve had my teenage years for that, thanks. They didn’t treat me wrong. I guess. Certainly not on purpose. They just weren’t ready to have a child to take care of, I think they just aren’t parent material at all. I suppose they wanted to love me and to take care of me but they just didn’t know how. My mother grew up in the family of a revolutionary from Alderaan and she never had much of a childhood, she was forced to grow up too fast. My father is not very good with responsibility of any kind. They didn’t do it on purpose but that doesn’t excuse them, does it?”

“It’s too easy to get a baby for straight people,” Zhellday said wisely. 

“Right. I should ban that.” 

“Absolutely. All straight couples must undergo an inspection and if they don’t pass, their child gets taken and given to gay people.” 

“I knew there were bright ideas in that head of yours,” Kylo laughed and Zhellday joined him.

“But now seriously, what made you run away?” 

“Later, we’re almost here,” Kylo avoided the topic, grateful for the excuse. He’s never talked about his past, there never was anyone he could trust with it. But Zhellday… well he only knew him for two days and he already opened up to the man. Particularly because there was no danger of him taking advantage of it, since Kylo was in the position of power there. (It wasn’t a very solid conviction and Kylo tried not to poke at it too much because he knew it couldn’t hold. He’d seen enough of Zhellday’s mind to know the man could use anything available to get what he wanted.) After so many years of solitude, so many years of bottling up his emotions he was desperate for a friend who would hear him out. 

“Do I talk or do you introduce me first?” Zhellday asked and Kylo noticed he automatically checked if his wrist wasn’t exposed. 

“I’ll introduce you as my…ugh…what should I introduce you as?” Kylo’s brow furrowed; he hadn’t thought this through up to this point. He just knew he wanted to have the ginger by his side and that if he wanted to come, all opposition be damned. He didn’t actually consider the fact that he was bringing a sex-slave to his meetings. He stopped and took Zhellday to an adjoining corridor. “Ideas?”

“Well, there are a couple of options. You can say friend, which would sound genuine. They will be curious and wish to know more about me, but they shouldn’t disturb you with it. They might try to get me to work for them and spy on you, try to see how serious my loyalty to you is. Then you could say consultant. That might get them defensive, wonder what qualification I have, who I work for and they’ll definitely think we have sex. They will try to find some dirt on me in attempt to discredit me and subsequently you. But, and this is my personal favourite, you could say I’m your companion. Doesn’t sound as cool and sexy as mistress but life is not all pink and solocorns right? By all means the most shocking one, it should take them some time to take in because how do you respond to that one, right? They’d definitely try to find out who I am, where I come from, how you met me. Bonus point if one of these people is the person who bought me for you because that should be hilarious. There’s less danger of them trying to pull me to their side than with the friend thing because you just introduced me as your lover to them, obviously you either don’t care if I betray you for I don’t know anything important or you’re very certain of my allegiance to you. Their digging up dirt on me is also not that bad as with the consultant thing, I mean I’m your sex-toy, who cares if I worked as a stripper in some drinking hole for smugglers?” 

Kylo stared at Zhellday with his mouth hanging slightly ajar. He didn’t know whether he was intimidated or turned on and he came to the agreement with himself that probably both. 

“First of all, I’d care because if you worked as a stripper in some smugglers’ bar, my father would be the first to slip credits into your shoes. Secondly, you really like the idea of being my paramour, don’t you?” 

“You can rest assured, I never worked as a stripper and if I did, smugglers would never have enough money to see me.” Zhellday grinned. “And even if by any chance your father did see me, the credits would be well-spent and well-earned.”

“Please don’t.” 

“And yes, I would like to be seen as your not-so-secret lover. I’ve wanted to be one since I came to terms with being, you know. It sounds so fancy. I’d give anything to see them trying to wrap their minds around exactly how much power I have over you, what our sex looks like, if I would be available for a threesome.” Zhellday’s eyes shone with nearly childish excitement and glee. Kylo found himself succumbing to his charm once again, his pride be damned, because all he wanted to do was make the most beautiful face in the world gleam like this again and again. 

“Say we go on with this – how do we act then?”

“Normally. I’m your lover but I’m also really intelligent and that’s why you brought me with you in the first place. We’re both very mature and can keep it in our pants for the day. Absolutely no PDA’s or love-struck eyes and stuff like that. You want them to focus on trying to figure out who I am; we want to appear mysterious and respectable. You must appear confident and serious, you have a sex life, which is completely normal, and you are a good leader so obviously you don’t think about screwing me every single moment of your day.” 

“Did you… take classes on this?” Kylo was genuinely astonished and awed. He was now convinced that whoever bought Zhellday for him with the attempt of discrediting him didn’t take Zhellday himself into consideration which seemed like a grave mistake. Zhellday could bring him down - or he could help him up and there was only one person who had a say in what it would be.

“Sort of,” Zhellday winked, “I took a lot of psychology courses.”

“Fine, let’s do this,” Kylo nodded.

“Let’s do this.” Zhellday offered a cat-like grin.

“You’ll just pretend like you have all the right to be there. I’ll introduce you myself.”

“Exactly.”

They entered the room together, close but not touching each other. The whispering began almost instantly, after just a heart-beat worth of silence. Kylo went forward with Zhellday in tow and gave off an air of self-righteous confidence which dared anybody to tell him he was doing something wrong. Zhellday appeared bored by the people gaping at him and above their petty gossip. 

“Good morning, Mr Cutuza,” Kylo sat down into his chair. It stood on an elevated podium and looked very old-fashioned. Zhellday made a mental point to mock Kylo for it. 

“Can my companion get a seat here, please?” Ren asked one of the servants standing by the walls. His command was carried out almost before he finished making it and Zhellday sat on his assigned seat. He thanked the girl who brought it before she walked away. She seemed astonished. 

Her surprise was nothing compared to that on Cutuza’s face. Zhellday noticed the complacent look in Kylo’s eyes and understood right away Cutuza was a man who liked to think himself important, enjoyed having Ren consider him a threat but was not the real enemy there. Zhellday was also convinced Kylo wasn’t aware of that.

“I suppose I should introduce myself,” Zhellday said and turned to the whole council, “my name is Zhellday and I look forward to working with you.”

“We’re glad to have you, although a little surprised, I must say.” 

Kylo couldn’t say he didn’t expect Art’me to speak up first. She always seemed unbothered by petty human interactions and relations. Ren thought he saw her nodding at him slightly, as if approving of his choice, but he persuaded himself he was just making it up. 

“Yes, I do believe I must be somewhat a mystery to you,” Zhellday smiled. It was a pleasant smile, a manipulative one that was very good at concealing its true nature. It was a politician’s smile. “However, I hope we will get to know each other soon.” 

“Now, Mr Cutuza, I believe you have dealt with the situation and found the person responsible for the incident of this night.” Ren said and diverted the attention from Zhellday to himself in the proper moment to dismiss the notion that his companion was an object to gape at but established that Zhellday was important enough to be listened to. 

“My men identified three people who could have been spies to the Resistance. One of them came from a planet openly sympathizing with the New Republic, one has been seen at demonstrations and manifestation various times and the last one is… well, not exactly human-like.”

Zhellday had to give Cutuza some credit for delivering the message of his failure in a manner that suggested that he had, in fact, succeeded. Otherwise, there was absolutely nothing in favour of excusing the man.

“So you didn’t do what I asked of you,” Ren said coldly and clenched his hands into fists, “First you couldn’t protect my base from getting blown up and now you don’t even know who is responsible?”

“We do have our suspects, I am confident my people are very close to determining which of them is the culprit.” 

“I’m sorry, Mr Cutuza,” Zhellday spoke before Kylo could do something rash and unwise, “it seems your research is based more on your xenophobic views of the world than anything else. Even if I chose to ignore that, I cannot bring myself to believe that you have three candidates for a very undesirable position and all of them are from social backgrounds you apparently deem inferior, especially when the crime they are accused of required thorough preparation and expensive equipment which these people couldn’t have had. Which leads me to a fascinating conclusion. You have no idea who did it and how, do you?”

“There is a lot of vermin in the bases, I’m not the one who put them there. I refuse to be accused of incompetence or – even worse – fraud and deception.” Cutuza’s face turned red a little and he stood up as if to gain the upper hand over Zhellday. The ginger smirked. _He got defensive too quickly_ , he thought with amusement, _he’s not used to failure or being held accountable for it_. 

“You refuse to accept you failed? Even if one of these three people really is guilty, there are still two more than I requested you to bring me.” This time it was Ren who replied. “You know the saying that goes: ‘Sometimes less is more?’ This is a situation in which it is very fit to be applied.”

“I must admit the meaning of this farce is eluding me. What is it exactly you want of me?” 

“Your impertinence really knows no bounds. I suggest you tell me, honestly, where exactly we stand with this problem. And I advise you to tell the truth this time. You know I will eventually get it out of you and you wouldn’t want to make me do that.” Ren’s eyes narrowed and he made a little gesture with his hand. Zhellday didn’t get the full meaning of it but apparently Cutuza did and he didn’t seem to be a fan of the concept. 

“I have no idea who did it or how,” he said at last, forcefully avoiding Zhellday’s eyes. 

“See? It didn’t hurt, did it?” Kylo smiled amiably. Cutuza didn’t dignify that with an answer, which upset Kylo because he couldn’t use his witty comeback. 

“Now this is the moment when you beg for more time and promise to get the person responsible.”

Cutuza was silent. He stared at Zhellday with searching eyes and furrowed brow as if he had seen him somewhere and couldn’t remember where. It unsettled the ginger; he had already had looks like this directed at himself and it never meant anything good. 

“Am I to understand your silence as your resignation?” Ren didn’t like Cutuza’s inspection of Zhellday either. What if Cutuza had something to do with the purchase of him, what if he was the one who wanted Ren to lose his mind about this slave? And now, how did it look – he had already dressed the slave in his clothes, brought him to a meeting and gave him a name. 

“I beg your pardon,” Cutuza spoke finally, “I was merely lost in thoughts. I have a feeling Mr Zhellday and I have met before.”

“I do not think that is very probable,” Zhellday said coldly, “I come from a very distant and dark place. I’m sure someone of your rank would not find his way around it.”

Kylo glanced away from Cutuza – the fight was all Zhellday’s for the time being – and he decided to look at the other people present. Hernandillo was staring wide-eyed and clutched his datapad as if his life depended on it. Harton was working at something, her head bowed and her fingers running on her pad. She always found it easier to just bury herself in familiar surroundings, designing weapons or ships to avoid human drama. Ren let her do whatever she wanted; some of her best ideas came from dealing with stressful situations. Art’me looked amused. Kylo couldn’t be entirely sure if what he was seeing on her face was actually glee but it was the first emotion he remembered her express. Ren was determined to talk to her privately and ask her what it meant. 

“It must have been someone else then,” Cutuza backed off. Ren had a feeling this was an important moment. Zhellday made some space for himself and didn’t allow Cutuza to inspect him or reveal anything concerning him without discrediting himself first. 

“Mr Cutuza, do you wish to have someone assist you in searching for the culprit?” Ren directed the attention back towards himself. As much as he wanted Zhellday to build a position, he was still the one leading the show. 

“I would like to request more time, my Lord,” Cutuza bowed slightly, “and the help of miss Harton if she would be so kind.”

“You have not consulted her yet?” Ren’s eyes flashed to the woman in question. Her head rose with unnecessary speed and she took some time to focus on the room she was in. Kylo regretted pulling her from her thoughts. 

“I did not wish to disturb her sleep,” Cutuza said defensively.

“That’s very chivalrous of you but you don’t have to worry about me,” Harton snapped before she could think it through. 

“It’s also rather unprofessional of you,” Ren glared, “Miss Harton is just as much my consultant as you are. She has unparalleled knowledge concerning technology which she is obligated, by her contract, to use whenever it might be asked of her.”

“I am also capable of missing a couple hours of sleep,” Harton added coldly when she saw Ren was on her side.  
“You have, once again, proved to be narrow-minded and prone to underestimate other people because of your prejudices,” Zhellday managed to sound uninterested despite his rage, “that is very dangerous and unwise, Mr Cutuza.”

“I apologise, Miss Harton,” Cutuza said only, with a curt glance at the woman he addressed, “and now if you’ll excuse me, I would like to return to my duties.”

“That would be very nice of you, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble,” Ren gave Cutuza the brightest, widest false smile he was capable of. “Miss Harton, please accompany him. I shall send for you should I need you.”

“Yes, My Lord.” 

She rose first, grabbed her datapad and pressed it to her chest as if she was afraid someone might take a look at it. Cutuza set out of the room in a brisk pace as if he tried to make Harton walk behind him. She had no problem catching up to him.

“Now, Mr Hernandillo,” Ren turned to the councillor who had not yet spoken, “I trust you have come up with a plan that could save me some money that I could invest in my fleet.”

“I do have some suggestions,” Hernandillo spoke and moved his glasses up his nose. Kylo realised he had to be very fond of them – most people just got their visual disabilities surgically removed. “First of all, with all the new planets declaring support for you and also some of the rather nasty illnesses and wars that have not yet been contained, we are not fully aware of exactly how many inhabitants your realm has. Which is a troubling matter, and one I have struggled with for months. Without knowing the number, we are losing tremendous amounts of money on taxes. I suggest getting the exact number by census. Then, wars are expensive and draining to the economy, causing the worlds fighting in it to go bankrupt and be financially dependent on higher units, in this case represented by you. To put it very simply - wars are bad and we should end them. Wars within your realm are even worse because both of the warring parties are draining your finances and no matter who wins, you lose. And we have spoken of the black market already. There is no real way of abolishing it completely because criminals are like bacteria - they’re always one step ahead of you to survive - but we should decrease their numbers as much as possible. It will require certain investment at first because to bring the criminals down, we need a unit of men to find them and do something about them.” 

“These still sound very vague to me,” Kylo frowned, “how do we manage the census with so many planets, some of them struggling hopelessly to give their citizens even a hint of the life they deserve?”

“It will be difficult on these planets, that much I admit. Perhaps it may be necessary for some officers to visit the planets by themselves and collect the data there. It will be tedious and it will never be completely accurate but it’s better than what we have now. I have worked on the schematic of how the census should be carried out with my team but it’s not yet complete, I will present it to you once it is.”

“Excuse me,” Zhellday spoke softly, as if he was too shy, “but why do you think the people of these worlds are going to cooperate with you?” 

“Why shouldn’t they? They are a part of the realm, they need to give something as well as take.” Hernandillo looked puzzled as if he didn’t understand Zhellday’s query. Kylo picked up on it immediately though and he sensed there’d be a problem.

“I don’t think they see it this way,” Zhellday replied kindly, “I think they’ll just get frightened by your men counting them and gathering information about them. They have been living their lives in peace and now they’ll feel threatened because the first time somebody from the government came to check up on them is to snoop around for their personal data. That won’t bring you much popularity.”

“It’s a matter of necessity, not of getting popularity,” Hernandillo countered. He glanced at Ren in attempt to guess what the Count’s thoughts on this topic were, but his usually expressive face was blank and stoic. 

“Yes, because you wish to get more money. By what? Making people pay taxes.” Zhellday paused. He knew the finances minister wouldn’t see where he was going but he tried anyway. “You see, the problem with simple, poor people is that they live from breakfast to supper. Sometimes either of those meals doesn’t come - that’s just how life is for them, that’s their reality. Someone whose every day is a struggle for life doesn’t care much about politics or who the man above is. They could have an ewok ruling them and they wouldn’t care as long as they’re left to grow their crops in peace. The minute you start asking them questions or make them pay taxes, they know they’re not in peace and there’s not a very long road to declaring for someone else from there.” 

“You suggest we keep losing the money then,” Hernandillo said triumphantly, convinced the words were so ridiculous Ren would kick the stranger out for even suggesting something so idiotic. Ren didn’t say a word - he knew where Zhellday was coming from and understood that he was hardly capable of opposing. Zhellday knew what he was on about, Kylo didn’t. 

“I suggest that unless you give these people a reason to believe they would benefit from it - or scare them enough to believe giving up a portion of their possession is better than what would happen to them if they didn’t do so, that’s up to you - they are not going to pay your taxes. You know, some of these planets don’t even have money? They’d be sending you parts of animal carcasses and bags of grain. I’m not an expert on weapons or spaceships but I’d say it’s not easy to build them using dead animals.”

Zhellday was unimpressed by Hernandillo’s previous mocking remark. He sensed Kylo was on his side and he knew he was right. There was no space for being sheepish or humble - after years and years of humiliation and degradation he finally had a chance to show everyone that his brain works as well as the rest of his body. The silver bands covering his wrists gave him courage and sense of security he had never expected to have. In this very moment, he felt invincible.

“What do you suggest we tell them then? That we’ll come bombarding them with our fleet?” Hernandillo was not used to opposition this open. Kylo used to tell him off, ask him to do things differently, but he never implied Hernandillo was doing his work wrongly.

“That would be efficient to terrify them, I admit, I am however puzzled at the notion that you would be able to get your money from a nonexistent civilization.” Zhellday put on an expression of confusion and tilted his head to Kylo to invite him to speak. 

“I think what Zhellday is trying to say, Mr Hernandillo,” Ren spoke and adverted the financier’s angry eyes from the ginger, “is that perhaps these societies have gods they worship or whose wrath they fear. We could offer to be an intermediary between them and their deity. That way they would allow us to their midst, and eventually we could help them develop.”

“Ah,” Hernandillo looked down at his hands to compose himself, “you suggest sending people to live there for longer periods of time.”

“I’m sure we will be able to find scientists who would be willing to do so. That would not be your trouble, however,” Ren assured him, “I want you to work up a plan of how to organize the census of the developed worlds. I think it shouldn’t be a problem with some of them as some planets already keep track of their inhabitants.” 

“Very well,” Hernandillo bowed. 

“I’ll talk about the wars and infections with people responsible, thank you for bringing that up as well. If that would be all, you are dismissed.”

“Thank you, my lord,” Hernandillo said, jumped to his feet, collecting his belongings and left the room. Art’me was the only one remaining in the room.

“That was very well said of you,” she said and looked Zhellday over scrutinizingly. He wrapped his right hand around his left wrist instinctively, as if she could see through the metal bands, but he held her gaze proudly. 

“Thank you,” he said with a small bow of his head. 

“You seem to understand people well.”

“I have met many people,” Zhellday shrugged but his eyes narrowed, “usually the wealthy turn out to be dickheads. I know what it’s like when someone who has power over you tries to take advantage of you. You’re not going to like it.”

“I enjoy your honesty and straight-forward manner of speech. It’s refreshing.”

“Do you have anything to add on what we just discussed? I noticed you were deep in thoughts,” Ren turned her attention to himself.

“Ah. I don’t think you need anyone else’s advice than Mr Zhellday’s in this matter,” Art’me smiled mischievously, “I think you chose your companion well, my lord.” 

“Thank you,” Kylo said. He glanced at Zhellday who was staring wide-eyed at the woman in front of him. It was apparent he was studying her and failing to put a label on her, just like everyone else did. Kylo was a little disappointed - he had hoped Zhellday would help him understand what exactly kept her in his court. 

“If that would be all…”

“Yes, of course, you may go,” he waved her away and she left in a slow, regal pace as if she couldn’t be bothered to speed up. When she finally left, the room was empty except for two guards by the door and Kylo and Zhellday. 

“You were incredible,” Kylo breathed out and turned to his companion. There was admiration - adoration even - in his big eyes. Zhellday gave a lopsided smile and shrugged. 

“I told you I’m sort of smart,” he mumbled. He tried to appear it wasn’t a big deal but his face betrayed him. Kylo could see it beam and flush slightly. 

“You’re brilliant,” he breathed out again and watched Zhellday’s delicate expression with new eyes. 

“Thank you for letting me show it, nobody else did before.” 

“They were wrong,” Kylo mumbled and unknowingly brought his head closer to Zhellday’s. 

“Yes,” the ginger smirked, “do you want me to kiss you?”

“Do you want to kiss me?” 

“I think I do,” Zhellday whispered, surprised. He smiled brightly. “Yes, I want to kiss you.”

The corners of Kylo’s mouth rose nearly to his ears. 

“You look beautiful when you smile like this,” Zhellday pointed out and bridged the distance between them. They were leaning over the armrests of their chairs and it poked them in the ribs. It was uncomfortable and yet Kylo couldn’t imagine a more perfect moment. Zhellday’s lips were colder than his own and slightly thinner and certainly more experienced. It was a short innocent kiss but it felt more real or intimate than any of Zhellday’s previous attempts to seduce him. They pulled away after a moment and looked each other in the eyes. 

“So this is how it feels when you really want to do it,” Zhellday murmured and raised his hand to touch Kylo’s face. 

“So this is how it feels when you really want to do it,” Kylo nodded and leaned into Zhellday’s touch. 

“You’re so adorable,” Zhellday chuckled when Kylo closed his eyes and nearly purred. 

“Well, not all of us are so composed and calm,” Ren growled. 

“You need to work a little more,” Zhellday warned him and gave him a soft peck on the forehead. 

“But after that, I want to do this again.”

“So do I.”

Kylo ended up listening to several people reporting on the situations in various worlds under his rule. Zhellday kept silent for most of it, only speaking a few times. People stared at him curiously - some openly, some with at least a bit of decency. He returned their gaze with disinterest and made himself comfortable in his chair to show them he belonged there. After two hours of these reports, Kylo rose to his feet, overjoyed that the queue behind the door was finally gone. 

“I need to go stretch my muscles or my legs will fall off,” he announced and he bent his back backwards a little. Two loud cracks filled the room and Kylo sighed. “Do you want to come with me?”

“Of course,” Zhellday nodded, inquisitive. He hopped off the chair too and joined Kylo. 

They walked wordlessly side by side through several corridors and down some steps until they appeared in a spacious gym. There were mats on the floor, some dumbbells and other equipment by the wall and an adjoining locker room. Kylo made his way over there and opened one locker using his necklace, pulling out a heap of clothes. Zhellday sat down onto a bench and watched Ren change. 

“I think someone might have something your size if you want?” Kylo asked the ginger who looked out of place in Kylo’s fancy clothes in the gym’s changing room. He was too neat and ethereal for such a place. 

“Ah, no thanks, I’ll be okay just watching you, I’ll pass on exercise today,” Zhellday shrugged. 

“Okay,” Kylo smiled, “don’t you at least want a datapad to read something?”

“No, on the contrary,” Zhellday assured him, “I want to watch you work out.”

“As you wish.” 

Kylo locked his clothes in the small box, stuffing it there so carelessly it made Zhellday cringe. It will be creased, scruffy and overall unfit for use again. Whoever put that boy in charge of whole planets had apparently not seen him handle his clothing. Kylo didn’t notice Zhellday’s horror - or perhaps he didn’t care - and set out for the gym. Zhellday followed him and looked him over carefully, appreciating Ren’s toned body in a perhaps too tight clothing. Kylo wore a pair of close-fitting leggings that left little to imagination, a tank top that revealed big parts of pale skin peppered with birthmarks and he was currently engaged in wrapping bandages around his hands and knuckles. He was bare-footed. 

“You look nice,” Zhellday pointed out.

“Thanks?” Kylo replied and his cheeks turned pink. He seemed astonished. 

“Not used to compliments?” 

“No, not really,” he admitted and looked intently on his right hand wrapping the left one. 

“Outrageous,” Zhellday muttered, “you should be told everyday how beautiful you are.”

“So should you,” Kylo said and tried to finish the bandage but he couldn’t manage to get the end not to stick out. 

“I’ve had my share of compliments on my looks,” Zhellday sighed, “here, let me help you.”

Kylo offered Zhellday his hand and didn’t respond since he didn’t know what to say. Thin fingers touched his wrist briefly before the bandage was complete. 

“Thank you,” Kylo smiled. He looked Zhellday in the eyes, silent, sheepish question in them. Zhellday chuckled and kissed Kylo briefly on both cheeks. 

“Your sparring partner’s here,” Zhellday whispered with a wink and pulled away, walking to the side of the room to sit down. Kylo turned around and saw that Zhellday’s words were true. He was slightly disappointed but he soon forgot about it as he watched his partner pick up their training weapons and walk over to him, professionally avoiding staring at the third person in the room. 

“Good afternoon, Salas,” Kylo greeted and accepted the stick his trainer was handing him. 

“Good afternoon.”

“I need to warm up and stretch first. I am terribly stiff,” Kylo warned. 

“Ah, alright. Shall we start with running?” 

“Yes,” there was almost ecstasy in Kylo’s words as they laid their training weapons onto the ground and set off in a leisurely pace around the gym. 

“That thing on your chin,” Salas started after a while, “that ain’t my work.”

“Accident,” Kylo muttered only. He really should injure himself on a less visible place next time. 

“Did it somehow involve that fellow right there?” 

“Maybe,” Ren admitted. Salas laughed. 

“I see.”

“Not like that, you idiot,” Kylo rolled his eyes, “it’s not like that with him.”

“But you wish it was.” It wasn’t a question.

“It’s complicated.”

“It always is,” Salas nodded knowingly. Kylo couldn’t shake a feeling he was being mocked. “A pretty complication though.”

“I guess you could say pretty.”

“Or I could say flaming hot that I’m surprised you’re here instead of doing a different sort of physical exercise,” Salas raised his voice at the end of the sentence as if in question. “If I know anything about you, this guy is every single one of your wet dreams come true.”

“I’m taking things slow with him. He hasn’t had very good experience with…well.” 

“You’re blushing,” Salas squealed, “you’re actually blushing, I don’t believe my eyes.”

“Shut up,” Ren muttered. They had just passed Zhellday for the second time.

“I think he adores you, to be honest,” Salas said after he was done laughing. 

“No he doesn’t,” Kylo countered, “he’s wary of me, waiting for me to do something nasty to him.”

“That may be true but I still think he’s crazy about you. Where did you even find him?” 

“Long story.”

They sped up after that and didn’t speak any more. Salas didn’t pay attention to the stranger in his gym - he wasn’t intruding and soon enough Kylo was running too fast for Salas to concentrate on anything but himself. Kylo sent Zhellday a smile or at least a glance every time he run past, beaming when he realized the ginger’s eyes were still on him. 

They stopped running after twenty rounds and came to their previous spot to catch their breaths and stretch their muscles before they started training. 

Zhellday pulled his knees to his chin and wrapped his arms around his shins.He was watching Kylo with unveiled interest. He was happy to be able to say that yes, Kylo was very attractive and physically appealing but he didn’t feel like he should act on it. It may spurt out of him again, like it did that morning, but at this point, he didn’t wish to do anything less innocent with Kylo than their tentative kisses. He couldn’t recall the last time someone kissed him like this - shy and caring and like his feelings mattered as well. 

Soon enough, Kylo and his companion picked up their training sticks and began to circle around each other warily. Zhellday’s eyes never left the two figures who got progressively less cautious and more aggressive with time. They were both elegant and skilled and it was hard to tell who was better. They both received a couple of blows and Zhellday knew from personal experience some of them will bruise rather awfully. 

“Let’s have a break,” Salas suggested when Kylo helped him up on his feet after he had fallen down. 

“Okay,” Kylo nodded, “be back in five.” 

He picked up his water bottle and took a big swig from it while making his way to Zhellday. He shot the ginger a toothy grin from far away. 

“You’re reckless,” Zhellday told him as soon as Kylo sat down beside him.

“Well, what can I say, I’m a young man, how can I not be?” 

“It’s not that hard actually,” Zhellday said and he took Kylo’s hand into his own. “Are you going to be blowing punches now?”

“Yeah. Although you might not wanna watch that if you mind seeing me get hit. I kind of suck at fist fights,” Kylo shrugged. 

“Be careful about your face. I call dibs on it.”

“Alright, my face is all yours.”

They laughed and sat there for a while, holding each other’s hand. It felt natural already; Zhellday didn’t wish to let go of the warm weight in his grasp. 

“I’ve got to go or Salas will mock me forever,” Kylo stood up.

“Don’t let him maim your face,” Zhellday reminded him. 

“I won’t.”

His face was one of the few parts of his body that didn’t get hit. When they finished, Kylo was hurting all over and he could feel exhaustion in his muscles. He said goodbye to Salas and flushed slightly when his trainer sent him off with “go get them.” 

“I bet you’re turning black and blue already,” Zhellday told him when they headed for the locker room. 

“It was a good fight.”

“You got beaten up more than I’ve done my whole life.”

“It sickens me that you can actually make a comparison like that.”

“It’s not your fault you know.”

“It is, partly,” Kylo shrugged as he took off his clothes before stepping into the refresher in the back of the room, “it reminds me that I haven’t done anything significant. I’m just like my mother, making statements and promising goodness but doing nothing at all.”

“You’ve done plenty of good for me,” Zhellday shouted to make sure he was heard over the running water. A discontented grunt informed him that his words were received even if not taken as he intended them. He waited for Kylo to finish cleaning himself up and looked onto the ground when a wet figure stepped out of the refresher, reaching forward with one arm. 

“Blast!” Kylo muttered, “Zhellday? Is there a towel lying around you?”

“Yes,” Zhellday called after he stood up and pulled said towel from below himself.

“Be a dear and hand it to me, please.”

Zhellday made his way to Kylo with the towel, unable to keep his eyes down anymore.

“This one’s gonna be big and ugly,” he pointed out to an already forming bruise on Kylo’s chest.

“Yeah well, I am incorrigible, you know,” Kylo accepted the towel and started to dry himself. Zhellday stepped back among the lockers. 

Ren dressed in the set of clothes he had worn he he came, leaving the sweat-soaked one in the locker. Zhellday raised an eyebrow and motioned for the locker.

“Someone will come to pick it up and wash. They’ll put it back when it’s clean,” Kylo explained and checked his wet hair in the mirror. “Come, let’s get something to eat, I’m starving.”

Zhellday tagged along as they walked to their shared room. He wondered whether he should want to have his own room. He had rarely slept alone and it would have made him uncomfortable and anxious most likely, but he couldn’t help feeling that to be a proper, real person, he should want some privacy. But the idea of leaving Kylo’s proximity that he had despite his conviction begun to consider his safe haven was even scarier. 

“Is something wrong?” Kylo asked, sensing Zhellday’s discomfort.

“Just a bit of a panic attack I guess,” Zhellday muttered and tried to focus on his happy memories of the day in an attempt to trick his brain into thinking he was safe. 

“Can I help?” 

Zhellday reached for Kylo’s hand in place of an answer and clutched it with strength that surprised Ren. They were in their room by the time Zhellday let their fingers to lock in a more relaxed way. 

“Sorry,” Zhellday mumbled.

“Nonsense,” Kylo shook his head. Zhellday avoided his eyes but allowed Kylo to take him into an embrace. It was warm and safe and smelled like the shampoo Zhellday had learnt to associate with Kylo. His worries seemed to be tamed for the time being even thought he still felt them bubbling up in his chest. He closed his eyes and let his head rest against Kylo’s clavicle. He felt heavy and tired, like he always was after a panic attack. 

“Do you want to eat something? Run a hot bath? Lie down in bed and watch holovids?” Kylo whispered with his lips against Zhellday’s head. He didn’t dare move. Zhellday just nodded with specifying which of Kylo’s offers appealed to him. 

“Do you want me to run you a bath?” Kylo inquired further. Zhellday shook his head at that.

“I’ll take you to the bed now, is that okay?” 

There was a nod this time and Kylo lifted Zhellday in the air as if he weighed less than a child. The ginger wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck. The bed wasn’t far and Ren laid his companion on it with as much care as if he was holding an injured fairy. 

“Do you want to eat something?” Kylo caught Zhellday’s eyes and this time they looked at each other.

“Soup,” Zhellday said faintly, barely audibly. Kylo smiled at the sound of his voice. 

“Okay.”

“And warm milk,” Zhellday added, encouraged by Kylo’s response. 

“Absolutely,” Kylo reached forward to kiss Zhellday on his forehead but then he stopped himself, unsure. Zhellday raised his head a little, giving permission. He sighed when Ren’s lips touched his skin. 

“I’ll just make a quick call, okay? I’m still here,” Kylo pulled away to get his comm, but he kept his hand on Zhellday’s shoulder. He made a quick order of soup, warm milk and whatever they had prepared for him for lunch and returned back to his companion. 

“I’m sorry,” Zhellday said again and he nuzzled Kylo’s neck as soon as Ren got to him and took him into his arms. “I’ll be good now. I shouldn’t have let that slip.”

“I don’t want you to hide your fears from me,” Kylo said, “not if it would harm you.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” Zhellday countered, “let me make it up to you, I’ll do anything.”

“Just take it slow and focus on yourself. I want you to do that, okay? Tell me whatever you need and I’ll get it for you.”

Zhellday contemplated it. His chest hurt a little from the sobs that didn’t break out completely and his head was floating. He didn’t know what he wanted. He couldn’t even obey that. 

“I can’t,” he hiccuped and tears rose to his eyes, “I don’t know what I want.”

“It’s okay,” Kylo whispered, “it’s okay.” 

He rocked Zhellday back and forth slightly as the ginger wept, big tears running down his pale cheeks. 

When the food was brought, Kylo left his own portion on the tray and got Zhellday’s soup first. He watched the ginger eat a shaky spoonful after spoonful before he ate himself, despite his rumbling stomach. He worked through his meal, barely noticing what he was eating, while watching his frail companion. 

“Thank you,” Zhellday said as he handed the empty bowl back to Kylo. 

“You’re welcome. Do you want your milk now or later?”

“Later please.”

Kylo finished his food and took Zhellday back into an embrace, holding him close, satisfied when he felt a slow, rhythmic heartbeat and breathing. Zhellday didn’t seem to want to talk and the situation seemed too solemn to Kylo, too intimate. He turned the holovid on and let the program roll without paying attention to it. Zhellday, on the other hand, watched it intently and Kylo noticed a little smile on his face by the time it was over.

“Don’t you need to work?” Zhellday asked.

“No, I never work after lunch, my brain doesn’t want to. I usually meditate around this time.”

“I’m keeping you from doing it,” Zhellday said, horrified. 

“It’s alright, I can do it later.”

“No, please do it now. I don’t want to be a burden,” Zhellday pleaded, his kaleidoscope eyes begging Kylo not to make him hate himself more than he already did.

“Okay,” Kylo nodded and slipped his arms away from Zhellday’s body. They both shivered at the sensation of loss but didn’t comment on it. “Tell me if you need anything.”

“I will,” Zhellday said. _I won’t_ , he thought and he could see that Kylo didn’t believe him. 

“Okay. You know my datapad password, you can borrow it if you want.” 

“Thank you,” Zhellday kicked of his shoes, sat up and pulled his knees to his chest again. Ren changed into more comfortable clothes quickly. 

He left the room reluctantly for a little adjoining chamber, looking over his shoulder one more time and Zhellday gave him a reassuring smile. Kylo finally entered his sanctuary and closed the door behind himself.

The room was dark with only a narrow tall window letting in some sun rays. Kylo walked over to a little table to burn the inscence before sitting down onto a small pillow. He crossed his legs and closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his breathing. It was more difficult than usually to push all thoughts out of his mind and he knew exactly what caused it. Zhellday kept showing up, creeping up on him just when he thought his mind was clear and empty. 

Kylo reached for the Force, let it flow through him and sought strength and guidance in it. He had not got round to meditate since Zhellday came to him and he had all the question for the omnipresent Force. He was restless though and couldn’t dive deep into his mind to truly connect with it. He opened his eyes slowly and took a few deep breaths before he stood up. He usually didn’t have to perform the calming exercises before meditating, not since he was a little boy, but today he supposed he could give it a go. 

He started with his breathing; he raised his arms up towards the ceiling while inhaling and let it fall slowly as he exhaled. Moving his body helped him concentrate. From time to time he could feel the training with Salas acting up, especially the bruise on his chest Zhellday had pointed out earlier. Having settled his breathing, Kylo began with his routine. Shift his weight on one leg and bend it while keeping the other one outstretched behind him, put his hands on either side of his knee, straighten his leg and put it beside the other, creating a neat triangle with his body, a couple of deep breaths, slowly move his hands to his feet and draw himself up. He repeated it a couple of times and sat down again. 

This time, he felt at peace. The Force filled him and he was exhilarated, giddy even. He concentrated on reaching farther, on getting an even clearer answer to his questions. The problem was, he got a couple of them, unaware of which belonged to which problem. There was an immense feeling of having done something right, a warning against some ambiguous threat, and some other messages he couldn’t interpret. He spend more time in his little bubble than he usually did and when he eventually anchored himself in the real world, he felt more confused than he had before. He stood up after some time, put off the fire and left the room.

Zhellday was lying in bed, his eyes closed and face peaceful. He looked small and otherworldly and Kylo had a feeling he knew what the good decision the Force showed him was about. He smiled slightly and walked to the bed to cover the ginger with a blanket. He checked the time and found out that he had to go if he wanted to get something done that day still, and he had already put off meeting the medical officer about the situation of the populations of his worlds enough. He took his datapad, which lay untouched, as he had predicted, on the table and opened it to write a message for Zhellday. He set the device beside the sleeping man, hoping he’d check it out when he woke up. Then Kylo changed his clothes again, fixed his hair and left his room with one last glance at the ginger in his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think. Ideas, observations, critique, anything. Thanks for reading, may the Force be with you.


	5. Equilibrium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. It is unbelievable but I did finish another chapter for this story.  
> Warnings for a short flashback to what Zhellday went through but it's very easily avoided if it makes you squeamish.

Zhellday woke up alone. He was still wearing the clothes Kylo had lent him for the court; they were wrinkled and crumpled on him. He brushed his hair from his face, out of his mouth, and sat up. He noticed a datapad by his side; he was sure it wasn't there when he fell asleep. He picked it up and tapped the screen to life to check the time. There was a note pinned up on the locked screen.

 _Zhellday_ ,

He smiled when he saw his name written down. It felt more real than when Kylo said it, it felt like a confirmation.

_I have to go meet a few more people and I don't want to wake you up. You can come to the throne room if you want, or just stay in bed. Or you can go explore the palace. Whatever you want._

_Take care,_

_Kylo_

Zhellday set the pad aside. He stretched his arms, blinked a couple of times and smiled. He was tempted to stay in bed, as Kylo suggested, but he was already feeling guilty for falling asleep in the middle of the day. He rolled out of the copious blankets, feet hitting the floor, and sat up, stretching some more. He missed the warmth of the snug bed and he wrapped his hands around his chest.

He shuffled his feet on the ground, sighed and stood up. He walked to the bathroom, emptied his bladder and washed his face in front of the mirror. It looked strange without the make-up. He never realised how used he was to it until it was gone. He watched his eyes, too light, almost bleak with no eyeliner or mascara, his freckles too prominent without concealer. He was a little surprised to see the skin beneath his eyes the same shade as the rest of his face, pale but not black or grey. Overall, he looked plain and colourless but inherently healthier than before.

He went back to the bedroom and found the suitcase he had brought with him. He pulled it out of the wardrobe where Kylo had hidden it before. He had no second thoughts about it – they were his things after all, even if things from before. He opened it, rummaged through the tiny pieces of clothing and sex toys and beauty products until he found a little bag containing his make-up. He pulled it out, hesitant, and closed the case, hiding it in the wardrobe again.

He picked the pouch up and carried it to the bathroom. Kylo said no to the slave clothes and Zhellday was okay with that, but he wasn't sure about the make-up. He thought he'd feel good putting some of it on, not all of it, not the heavy, screaming colours, but a little lipstick, some eyeliner, maybe a hint of powder and rouge. It had been his armour for years and it did help him feel better.

He wanted to look good for Kylo. _And for me_ , he reminded himself, _I want to look good for myself_. He thought Kylo would appreciate him thinking about himself, and smiled at his reflection in the mirror before he picked up an eyeliner and applied it on his left eye, then his right.

When he was done, he took the bag into the bedroom and put it onto the bedside table on his side of the bed. He watched his image in the mirror and decided it was okay, smoothing his clothes out a bit. He put his shoes back on and smiled at himself reassuringly. He could do this. He had every right to walk down to the throne room. Kylo told him to come.

The walk there was short and uneventful. Zhellday eyed the door in front of him for a while and knocked afterwards, convinced that if Kylo told him to come, he would not be thrown out. He was admitted inside and walked forward, Kylo’s clothes swishing around his body, too loose for him. He tried to appear like he did this every day, like he couldn’t be bothered by anyone staring at him, but he trembled inside. Then he spotted Kylo on a throne and his heart sped up, yearning to be at his prince’s side to hide in his shadow. His chair was still up beside Kylo and he felt warmth spreading through his stomach. He hurried to take it.

There was a man sitting in front of Kylo and giving a report. Zhellday soon realised the man before him was the doctor Kylo had mentioned earlier and he sat back to pay attention to the report. Kylo was engulfed with the man’s words, a small crease appeared between his eyebrows. Zhellday smiled fondly.

“There is nothing we can do in these societies. They see us as witches, demons or incarnations of the devil himself when we try to educate them. As long as we have people believing vaccinating their children against common diseases is harmful witchcraft, we can’t hope to advance. Not when we have to deal with epidemics of illnesses that can be easily prevented by vaccination.”

“Thank you for your input, doctor, I was not aware of how grave the situation is. I expect another report on the progress of your work by the end of this month.”

“As you wish, My Lord.”

The doctor bowed slightly. Kylo dismissed him with a gesture of his hand and waited for the doctor to disappear before sending the guards away too. Zhellday supposed Kylo was done with leading the world for the day.

“Hey, beautiful,” Kylo purred when they were alone, addressing Zhellday, “how are you?”

“Good, thank you.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, very well. Thank you for asking.”

“There’s something different about you,” Kylo said and frowned, confused and disappointed when he couldn’t puzzle it out.  
“Yes. I have…I have put on some make-up,” Zhellday said sheepishly, looking down onto the ground. Suddenly he felt silly for doing it. Kylo didn’t want him to put make-up on. Where Kylo came from, men didn’t wear it. Maybe Kylo was disgusted by him. “I can take it off if you don’t like it.”

“No, no, no, I love it,” Kylo reassured him and he leant closer, “I love it. You look beautiful like this. Radiant. I’m glad you did something you like.”

“I feel better with it on,” Zhellday explained, needlessly. Kylo didn’t seem angry or grossed out which was a good sign.

“Okay. I’m glad you did it then,” Kylo said again and reached for Zhellday’s hand. The ginger accepted it and squeezed. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Zhellday flushed slightly. It felt different coming from Kylo than it did from all the other people before; he wanted to hear it again. And again.

“I’m proud of you,” Kylo added when he saw Zhellday beam, “you’re doing great.”

“Not really, I just feel more comfortable with the make-up on,” Zhellday tried to protest. He was smiling though, his eyes glistening.

“But you had to go to my wardrobe to find it,” Kylo pointed out, “and you decided to put it on. That’s worth attention.”

“Okay.”

“Are you hungry?”

“No,” Zhellday looked down.

“Do you want something else?”

“A cup of tea please.”

“Okay,” Kylo smiled. At least he got Zhellday to tell him what he wanted when asked directly. One step at a time. “Would you like to go see the garden with me?”

“I would.”

Zhellday hadn’t seen many gardens in his life. He was always locked up inside, ready to serve his masters or to take a lesson and trying to get rest afterwards, putting himself together to find the strength to keep going, to keep smiling and being obedient as well as inventive when yet another disgusting pathetic man comes seeking pleasure from him. Zhellday always found those that came to the training houses the most laughable excuses of people. They paid for his education. They were ashamed of playing on their desires with free, independent men and too poor to buy the slave properly.

“Are you with me?” Kylo asked softly and Zhellday raised his eyes to him, startled. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me. I didn’t want to scare you.”

“Forgive me,” Zhellday mumbled, “I was lost in thoughts.”

“Bad memories?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry for scaring you.”

“No, I shouldn’t have lost my focus, it’s unprofessional,” Zhellday opposed and frowned.

Kylo could see him punishing himself internally and his heart broke. He wondered if it was even possible to undo this much damage, and was determined to try.

“It’s completely normal. You’re not supposed to be professional around me. It’s okay to think. I just thought that maybe you didn’t want to linger in those memories. You seemed distressed.”

“As you said, they were bad memories. I still shouldn’t have let them make me lose my focus.”

“Stop,” Kylo said, maybe a little too sharply, “you’re a person. People get lost in thoughts. It’s okay. The only time I need you to act professionally is when we’re meeting people in official business. But otherwise, you can do whatever you want, think of whatever you want. Or need.”

“I’ll try to remember that,” Zhellday nodded. Kylo supposed that was all he could ask for in that moment.

“Do you want to talk about it? The memories?” he asked instead. He didn’t expect an affirmative answer but he supposed asking wouldn’t hurt.

“No.”  
“Okay. Shall we go now?”

“Yes.”

Kylo stood up and offered Zhellday his arm to link. Zhellday flushed; it seemed like such a romantic gesture, something innocent and yet big, so big, and Kylo did it so effortlessly. He reached his hand to pull it through the space between Kylo’s elbow and chest, tentative, afraid of doing something wrong.

“Everything okay?” Kylo asked when he noticed Zhellday’s hesitation. He supposed this was a harmless gesture, nothing bad-memory-inducing, but Zhellday looked like he might start crying.

“Yes, I just… I’ve never done this before.”

“We don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No,” Zhellday smiled, laid his forearm on Kylo’s and smiled in confirmation. _No, not uncomfortable. I’m too comfortable for my own good. This is too comfortable to be good_.

“I’ve been thinking,” Kylo said after a while when he was sure Zhellday wasn’t trembling or fainting, “you know they advised me to go visit some of the planets, or as you said maybe go undercover?”

“Of course. I have a very good memory, especially about things I’ve said myself.”

“Right. So… do you think it’s a good idea?” Kylo asked, insecure, “I don’t want to end up like all the people who leave their territory and come back to find they are not in charge anymore.”

“You wouldn’t be gone completely,” Zhellday pointed out, “You’d still be there, just not on this planet. But it’s not said anywhere that this planet is the only place where you’re the ruler. I know you’re afraid that if they don’t see you, they’re going to plot your demise. But I can assure you, you’re not in any imminent danger from the people I’ve seen so far.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Zhellday straightened his back unknowingly, held his head higher. He was good at this and he could be helpful without compromising his integrity as a person. “The science genius is completely devoted to you. I think she has a sort of crush on you. She’d like you to tell her she did a good job from time to time; you do that and she’ll take a bullet for you. Or come up with a shield to block it, to be more precise. The accountant is too dim-witted to even want any change. He could be dangerous if there was a serious opposition which would offer him more than you do. But he also likes himself way too much, and he’s afraid to lose his position. You might need to worry about him in the future but not now. Cutuza likes to think himself important and even more to be seen as such. He has an insatiable need to feel like he’s outsmarted everyone but he lacks the necessary cunning and imagination to truly be dangerous on his own accord. He’ll steal credits, lead a drug business to get the rush from thinking he’s outwitted you and to boast in front of girls. But he’s harmless. I couldn’t see too much about the doctor you met now but he seemed to be one of the genuine kind, the one that just wants to help people. I might need to see him for a longer time to be sure. And lastly, the mysterious woman… I can’t say I’m sure about this. But she seems like life is a big joke to her and he enjoys seeing people puzzle what her goal is. That doesn’t mean she won’t decide one day to see how people would react if she tried to take their power away. But I suppose she won’t, as long as you keep her entertained.”

“Wow.”

“Too much?”

“No,” Kylo sighed and stopped to look at Zhellday with awe. “No. That was amazing.”

“Oh. It’s not like it’s the truth. It’s just what I think,” Zhellday tried to dismiss it.

“No, it’s brilliant. You’re brilliant,” Kylo started to walk again; Zhellday seemed uncomfortable with that much attention on him.

“I thought you could read people’s minds with the Force,” Zhellday blurted out before he stopped himself.

“Some people can,” Kylo admitted, “but I’m not trained enough. I can sense strong emotions and see images but it takes a lot of concentration and energy. I can’t really start doing that at the meetings.”

“You should practice more.”

“I try but it’s not exactly easy to find people to practise on.”

“You can try it on me.”

“No,” Kylo objected, “I can’t do that to you.”

“Why? Am I broken or something?”

“No, of course not. But it can be painful. And even if it’s not, it’s still very personal, very intimate. I can’t subject you to it after what you’ve gone through.”

“Even if I want you to?”

This time it was Zhellday who stopped to seek Kylo’s eyes. He had a determined expression on his face; it caught Kylo off guard.

“Why?” Kylo asked, confused.

“I want you to be as strong as possible. And I want to be useful.”

“Are you sure about it?” Kylo frowned, “I heard it’s very uncomfortable. My uncle forbade it. We learnt only how to make other people do what we wanted, so to put our thoughts in their minds, not the other way around, he wouldn’t allow it.”

“Do you think I’ll get intimidated by something because your uncle doesn’t approve of it?”

“No, I thought you’d have some sense of self-preservation instinct.”

“You’re not going to hurt me, are you?”

“No, of course not, not physically. But it can be painful.”

“I can take pain,” Zhellday said sharply, as if he was being questioned.

“You don’t have to.”

“I appreciate that. But you said I can have whatever I want. So this is what I want.”

“Fine. If you really do want to do it, I’m not going to deny you,” Kylo promised, “later. Let’s take the walk now.”

“Okay,” Zhellday nodded, the strange fire gone from his eyes. Kylo didn’t know if he was glad to see it disappear or not. It scared him; it showed a part of Zhellday that had been buried under layers and layers of oppression and abuse, and only now came into view. On one hand, he was thrilled to see those layers making way for whatever lay underneath. On the other, he was a little afraid of what might come up, especially after years of being stifled and silenced.

“So, back to the topic,” Kylo said and hoped his thinking process hadn’t shown on his face, “do you think it’s a good idea to go see the other planets?”

“Yes,” Zhellday said immediately, “if you never leave your palace, you have no idea what you’re talking about when you try to rule other worlds. Detached rulers who hide in one place are the worst thing to ever happen.”

“Okay, thank you,” Kylo hesitated, “would you like to go with me?”

Zhellday looked surprised when asked such a question.

“I thought it was obvious that I would,” he replied.

“Why?”

“I’m yours. Wherever you go, I go too.”

“You don’t belong to me, you’re not my possession. You don’t have to go somewhere just because I do,” Kylo explained.

“I’d still prefer to stay with you.”

“That’s better,” Kylo nodded and sighed with relief.

“Why?”

“Because if you prefer it, it’s your decision. Even if it’s based on your opinion that you should stick with me wherever I go.”

“Do you not want me there?”

“I do.”

“You make this so complicated,” Zhellday complained.

“I suppose,” Kylo shrugged, “here we go.”

They walked outside to a sunlit area. Zhellday was immediately amazed. He had seen a few gardens in his life but none of them – not all of them combined – could bear comparison to this one. It was enormous. There was a lake in front of them and Zhellday noticed a couple of big white birds by the edge of it, as well as some tall, thin black ones standing on long bright blue legs, searching for something in the water with a similarly coloured pointed beak. The lake was surrounded by patulous trees whose branches touched the surface from time to time. There was a swing on one thick branch, and a hammock between two other trees. Zhellday noticed places to sit or lie down all around the garden.

“Go explore it if you want,” Kylo invited him, “I’ll wait by the lake.”

“Thank you,” Zhellday smiled, let go of Kylo’s arm and set out in the direction of the bright flower corner. Kylo watched him disappear and slowly made his way to the hammock by the lake. The birds inspected him and deemed him safe before continuing to clean their feathers. Kylo lay down into the hammock and closed his eyes to appreciate the sounds and smells of the garden. He reached for the Force and let it course through him. He listened to the hustling and bustling of bugs and birds, to a snake on a hunt, to the sound of the wind playing in the leaves of the trees. He found Zhellday and spent a while with him too, just following his presence about on his exploring. He could feel contentment and curiosity, even from this far. Maybe reading Zhellday would be easier than it was with others. Was it easier with someone he felt connected to?

He recalled the heat in Zhellday’s eyes when the ginger demanded Kylo trains his mind-reading skills. He thought back to the moment when he gave Zhellday a taste of what it was like to wield the Force, of the happiness and awe he had felt then. Kylo should explain that this would not feel so pleasant. He thought Zhellday didn’t understand, couldn’t understand… Except he did. He understood pain and suffering better than Kylo could hope. He knew what humiliation felt like, what being stripped off all his rights and dignity felt like. And yet he wanted to do this.

Kylo wondered, for the first time, if Zhellday wasn’t dangerous. If maybe all the torture had not damaged him after all. If maybe Kylo hadn’t let a monster into his bed. Not that he let him there, per say, but he allowed him to stay. He made him take the layers of self-doubt off ans servility and he was getting to the core of who the ginger truly was. And perhaps that wasn’t a good thing to see.

Kylo stopped that train of thought. It was wrong – he should be happy to see Zhellday get passionate about something. It wasn’t wrong just because Kylo didn’t understand it. Of course Zhellday was damaged – he had been trained to satisfy other people’s pervert desires. He wouldn’t be okay and always happy just because Kylo wanted him to. Maybe he would not be able to let go of the pain, humiliation and suffering that used to be his everyday life. Kylo told himself he should just accept that and make do with it.

Zhellday walked around the intricate patterns the flowers created, admired the complicated play of colours, the way every single flower seemed to have its place to create the whole piece of art. He knew some of the plants but most of them were unknown to him. Some of them had an intoxicating sweet scent, some to the point of it being unpleasant when the wind blew it directly against his face. Zhellday was blown away by all the colours, the variety. He found a flower he particularly liked, a tall stem covered in dark crimson bells. He ran his fingers down the blooms and tried to take in the appearance of it to describe it to Kylo and ask for its name.

There were insects of various kinds and shapes, some thin and black, some fat, fluffy and colourful. He kept his distance from them but watched them fly from one flower to another. He noticed the big fluffy insects climbed all the way into his favourite flower and emerged covered in pollen. He smiled at it, fascinated.

Finally, he decided he had spent enough time with the flowers and moved on to a shady grove. The sun painted patterns on the ground, shining through and around the moving leaves. Zhellday watched the shadows play on his skin and took them in, memorizing the patterns. He wanted to recreate it on his arms, somehow, anyhow. He had sweated slightly in the sun and now the cold droplets felt uncomfortable. Zhellday watched the trees for some time before walking back into the sun.  

There was a small sandy path leading back to the lake. Zhellday saw Kylo in the hammock. He walked down the track surrounded by a sort of meadow. There were small, delicate flowers among the grass. Zhellday bent down to pick some of them; bright yellow discs and violet bells, pink spiky flowers and little white stars. When he reached Kylo he had a handful of them.

“Hey,” Kylo smiled and opened his eyes, “did you enjoy yourself?”

“Yes,” Zhellday’s eyes glimmered, “I love it so much.”

“I’m glad,” Kylo shifted a little, “what do you have there?”

“I picked them up on the meadow,” Zhellday said, “I hope it’s okay.”

“Sure thing.”

“Can I put them in your hair?” Zhellday looked at his feet as he asked.

“Of course,” Kylo beamed. He sat up and moved in the hammock, allowing Zhellday to sit down behind him. Zhellday did.

“Your tea’s here,” Kylo pointed to a portable table beside the hammock. There was a steaming pot and a cup on a saucer, all from dark green porcelain.

“Thank you,” Zhellday said and reached for the pot to pour some of the dark brown liquid into the little cup.

“There’s a flower I really liked,” he stated as he ran his fingers through Kylo’s hair, dismissing the hairdo he had put on earlier. He had the flowers on his lap, as well as the elastics and bobby pins he pulled out of Kylo’s hair. “It’s tall and has these purple bells on it.”

“Ah, the foxglove.”

“That’s what they’re called?”

“Yeah. Although I have no idea why.”

“They’re really pretty.”

“And poisonous.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. They’re used to treat heart diseases but they’re poisonous if you overdo it.”

Zhellday processed the information as he worked. Kylo didn’t speak; he enjoyed the touch of Zhellday’s fingers in his hair and wondered how he could have thought the man dangerous.

“Do you know a lot about plants?” Zhellday asked, wanting to hear Kylo’s voice.

“Quite a bit. Flowers are very important on Naboo, the planet my grandmother came from. I learnt something about flowers when I visited it.”

“Your grandmother…from Darth Vader?”

“Yes. Although my mother and uncle never met her. She died when she gave birth to them.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Okay.”

Zhellday wove the flowers he had picked into elaborate braids and fastened them with the elastics. He wished he could see Kylo’s face framed with it but he supposed he’d have to wait.

“I should braid your hair too,” Kylo said later, “it’s probably longer than mine, and I’ve used you and didn’t give anything in return.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t expect anything.”

“That’s not a good enough reason for me to use you and give you nothing in return. When you’re done, I’m going to turn your hair into a masterpiece,” Kylo promised. Zhellday grinned to himself and secured another strand holding a gentle blue blossom that contrasted nicely with the colour of Kylo’s hair.

“Okay, I’m done,” Zhellday announced, “don’t move too quickly.”

Kylo reached for his datapad which had been lying on the table beside Zhellday’s tea and picked it up, checking himself in the reflection of the blank screen. He smiled as he saw Zhellday’s eyes watching him curiously.

“It looks amazing,” he mused, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Zhellday mumbled and reached for his cup. He took a sip and was surprised by the taste. This was a different blend than the one he had for breakfast. There were some spices too, a hint of some tart, sharp flavour.

“Do you like it? I had them make something special for you but I can get you your regular tea if you want,” Kylo said quickly when Zhellday didn’t comment on the tea. He considered the offer. On one hand, he would have been more comfortable with the blend he knew. But he wanted to break his habit, didn’t want to cause trouble and the tea was not exactly unpleasant. It was…intense. Mysterious. Zhellday thought, absent-mindedly, that the tea reminded him of Kylo somehow. He decided he liked it.

“It’s very good, thank you,” he said and took another sip.

“Good, I’m glad,” Kylo blurted out, “I’m sorry for not telling you. I wanted to surprise you, and it only now appeared to me you might not appreciate that.”

“It’s okay.”

“Turn around, let me play with your hair now.”

Zhellday set the cup aside and stood up, sitting down facing the other way. He felt the hammock shift as Kylo removed his weight from it and then lowered himself on it again, his legs on either side of Zhellday.

“You okay there?” Kylo asked.

“Yes,” Zhellday mumbled and closed his eyes. There was a light breeze in the air that carried around the scents of flowers closing with sunset. He sensed the sunlight dancing on his skin, the pleasant warmth of Kylo’s body pressed against his own, the faint smell of shampoo, cologne and perfume.

“Do you have some of the flowers left?”

Zhellday reached over his shoulder with the hand still gripping the weeds; he didn’t feel like talking. Kylo accepted the flowers and Zhellday put his hand down again. He kept his eyes closed as Kylo began to comb his hair with his fingers. There was a hint of something else in the air, like electricity or the smell of freshly baked cookies, which seemed like an odd combination and yet was the closest to describe what Zhellday felt.

“Are you using the Force right now?” he asked.

“Yes,” Kylo admitted, “do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Zhellday murmured, almost purred, “I was just curious.”

“Okay.”

Zhellday tuned all his thinking processes to minimum, employing all his memory lines to store this moment, to keep it for future reference. Something this peaceful, this good, this beautiful could not last and he wanted to have something to go to when he’s cold and miserable. Kylo was cheating – Zhellday could feel the Force weaving the flowers into his hair rather than hands, but he didn’t protest. Kylo needed to practise his skills and even if braiding hair wasn’t exactly a training technique, who was he to stop it?

“Your hair is so soft,” Kylo whispered, careful not to startle Zhellday, “it’s almost like liquid rather than actual hair.”

“There are sonnets written about my hair of molten copper,” Zhellday smirked.

“I’m quite sure molten copper is not this airy.”

“Molten stardust?”

“I don’t think there’s any such thing.”

“Well my hair’s made of it so it must.”

“Right. Of course,” Kylo chuckled, “molten stardust looks amazing with forget-me-nots.”

“With what?”

“They’re the little blue flowers,” Kylo explained, “This particular colour looks good on you.”

“They’re called forget-me-not?”

“They have a botanical name too, I suppose, but most people call them forget-me-not. I don’t know why but it sounds nice.”

“Will you not forget me?” Zhellday whispered, opening his eyes.

“Are you going somewhere?”

“No. It was just a thought.”

“I won’t forget you, if you wanted to hear it,” Kylo said after a while, “not ever.”

Zhellday didn’t respond to that. He felt Kylo’s hands stop working; they were just lingering back before they’d have to withdraw. Zhellday realised he didn’t want them to and he tried not to breathe and to sit completely still not to disrupt the sanctity of the moment.

Kylo’s hands slid down onto Zhellday’s shoulders and stayed there, warm and heavy just enough to feel reassuring without being forceful. Zhellday leaned back against them and sighed, amazed at how casual and safe Kylo’s embrace was. He stopped his thinking almost violently, not wanting to go down the path of anxiety and mistrust at that moment.

“Can we sleep here?” he asked instead in attempt to busy himself.

“It gets really cold during the night this time of the year,” Kylo replied, “but I suppose we could get some warm clothes and blankets brought over.”

“No, I don’t like cold,” Zhellday shuddered. For a split of a second Kylo thought there was more to that statement than it seemed but Zhellday didn’t elaborate.

“We could sleep here in the summer though,” Kylo pointed out. Zhellday nodded absent-mindedly. He had no idea what he would be doing in two days, let alone two months.

“Can I take a picture of you?” Kylo asked.

“Of course.” Zhellday was a little surprised by that. Kylo didn’t have to ask that. People took hundreds of pictures of him, pictures he would have been uncomfortable with if he allowed himself to think too much about them. Nobody ever asked him for permission.

Kylo got hold of his datapad again and outstretched his arms above Zhellday’s shoulders. He snapped a lot of pictures. Zhellday had no idea what expression to make – should he smile, should he be serious? Should he look into the camera or pretend he had no idea he was being taken picture of?

“Relax, it’s not a competition,” Kylo whispered against his ear.

“Okay,” Zhellday mumbled and turned his head slightly to press a kiss against Kylo’s cheek. He heard the camera click and he smiled with his lips still against Kylo’s skin.

“You’re like a forest nymph,” Kylo whispered, laid the datapad back on the table and laid his hand on Zhellday’s hip, gently, tentatively.

“A forest nymph?” Zhellday mumbled against Kylo’s face.

“Luring me into your embrace to eat me while appearing innocent.”

“I’m quite sure that’s not what forest nymphs do,” Zhellday pointed out, “besides, I’m not innocent. You don’t know me.”

“Did you do bad things because someone told you to do them?”

“Yes,” Zhellday nodded and shook his head as if knowing what Kylo was going to say, “it doesn’t take my blame away. I don’t want the blame taken. I did it all knowing I would be rewarded, would be given more freedom or a new weapon. I didn’t have to do them. Someone needed to be killed and I signed up for the challenge. Something needed to be stolen and I did. Yes, I was asked to do all those things, but I chose to do them.”

“You wouldn’t have done them otherwise,” Kylo insisted.

“Maybe I would,” Zhellday went on, viciously, “maybe I am a maniac. Maybe I like to kill. Maybe I want to kill you.”

“Stop it.”

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Zhellday asked and pulled away from Kylo to look at him. His eyes seemed sharper, brighter than before. “You’re the one who told me to say what I’m thinking. Because this is who I am. I’m fucked up. I’ve done things you’ve never even imagined.”

“So you’ve killed people,” Kylo said and hoped his voice sounded surer than he felt, “do you think I haven’t?”

That caught Zhellday off guard. He stared at Kylo, his words and expression in stark contrast with his harsh words.

“Do you think I’m not fucked up?” Kylo went on, encouraged by Zhellday’s shock, “do you even realise I was going to be a king in my own world? Why do you think I left?”

Zhellday blinked a couple of times, tears pooling up in his eyes. He forced them away but they were still there. He wanted to yell at Kylo but he knew that the moment he’d open his mouth, he’d start crying.

“The point is,” Kylo said, trying to keep his voice calm. He didn’t want to crumble in that moment, not in front of Zhellday, not in such an important moment. He tended to be violent during his fits of rage and that was the last thing he wanted. “I’m the last person to judge you. But I still think you’re not to blame for whatever you did.”

“So if I kill you now,” Zhellday hisses through gritted teeth, tears still threatening to spill, “you’d be okay with that because the men who bought me told me to? ‘Oh no, it wasn’t your fault. I forgive you.’ Don’t insult me. You’re not a saint.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kylo sighed, exasperated. Maybe dealing with Zhellday was too much for him after all. He should have hired some psychologists to help the ginger. “Look, if you’re more comfortable with accepting responsibility for your actions, I’ll let you do it. But I’ll never think you were responsible for them.”

“You’re so magnanimous,” Zhellday scoffed. He stood up and stormed off. Kylo tried to follow him but he soon lost him in the labyrinth of his palace. Great. That much for being helpful. He thought this couldn’t be good for Zhellday, the sudden changes from cute and loving to fierce and angry. He sighed and walked slowly to his rooms, knowing that Zhellday probably wanted to be alone and that he would find his way back if he wanted. It made Kylo feel useless but he let it slip. It wasn’t about him. It wasn’t. He was still frustrated though.

He kicked off his shoes and the upper layers of his clothing and curled up on his sofa with a datapad in his hands. He tried to read a book but he couldn’t concentrate on the words, no matter how hard he tried. He kept stealing glances at the chronometer, growing more and more worried as the minutes ticked off. He stood up and paced up and down the length of the room, pondering the possible places Zhellday may be at, trying not to imagine pale, frail body distorted in awkward angles or red, so red, and so lifeless…

His commlink beeped and Kylo snatched it eagerly before realising Zhellday had no means of contacting him.

“Yes?” he tried to keep his voice calm.

“There’s, uh, there’s a gentleman who claims you allowed him to walk around the palace freely. I don’t have him in the database, sir.”

“Zhellday?” Kylo yelped, ignoring the offended guard comming him, “Zhellday are you there?”  
“Yes,” a familiar voice chirped, “I was just walking about in the garden, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It’s okay, Deslin,” Kylo said, smile spreading across his lips, “he has my permission to go wherever I could go.”

“But sir, with all due respect, I don’t have medical records on him, or criminal records,” the guards tried to protest weakly.

“Does he seem dangerous to you?” Kylo asked, knowing that Zhellday was probably still in his clothes that hung too loose on the ginger, and wearing flowers in his hair.

“No,” Deslin admitted.

“Good. Now give him clearance and let me talk to him in private.”

“Yes, sir,” Deslin said unhappily and obviously handed the commlink to Zhellday, muttering under his breath.

“Zhellday, I’m sorry,” Kylo said when he heard a much lighter breath against the link, “I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I know,” Zhellday mumbled, “I’m not upset. I just needed to calm down.”

“Okay,” Kylo smiled, despite himself.

“I really like the garden.”

“I’m glad you do.”

“I’m sorry for running off.”

“It’s okay,” Kylo lied.

“No, it’s not,” Zhellday protested, “I don’t have to be a Force-user to know that.”

“I was just worried about you.”

“I’m okay.”

“I know.”

“Can I come back?”

“Of course.”

“Good. I’m hungry.”

Kylo laughed a little but Zhellday had already ended the call.

It took Zhellday longer than Kylo anticipated and he almost got worried again when there was a soft knock on the door.

“Come in,” Kylo called when the person wouldn’t enter. The door opened and revealed Zhellday who made his way into the room sheepishly.

“I’m sorry again,” Kylo said when Zhellday made his way onto the bed, folding his lean legs underneath him, “I should have realised those things were signs of your autonomy.”

“I didn’t expect you to understand but it still… I like to think they were my decisions, you know? They were bad, and someone gave me the idea, but I decided to execute them.”

“Because without them, you’re just a puppet,” Kylo added.

“Yeah.”

“I hope you’ll be able to make some decisions entirely on your own now.”

“I already did.”

“Good.”

…

“I want you to try the mind reading on me,” Zhellday said after they ate. They did it in the bed again and Kylo tried to make himself think it was wrong but he couldn’t care less. Besides, he didn’t tidy his table enough to be able to dine on it.

“You still haven’t changed your mind?”

“No,” Zhellday shook his head, “you need to practise. If you can see pictures when untrained, you certainly have the potential to read thoughts if you practise.”

“Why do you care so much about it?” Kylo tilted his head to the side slightly.

 _I know what it’s like to be weak and helpless and I don’t want you to ever experience it. I want you to be stronger, better than anyone else in the Galaxy and to be your shadow,_ Zhellday thought but he didn’t say it aloud.

“You could know that if you could read my mind,” he offered instead.

“I wouldn’t do that.”  
“No but you could do it to an enemy.”

“You realise your mind is the last bit of you someone else has not invaded yet, right?”

“Yes,” Zhellday muttered, “do it already.”

“I don’t think I should,” Kylo put up a little bit more fight, “it feels like I’m raping you.”

“You’ve murdered people, remember? You’re not a good person so you don’t have to care about your reputation. I’m already damaged anyway.”  
“That’s just wrong.”

“And I consent to this. Do you deny me my own decision?” Zhellday looked at Kylo pointedly.

“No,” Kylo admitted at last, “I won’t do that.”

“Right.”

“Okay so… give me your hands, please.”

Zhellday wanted to protest that there was no need for that but he swallowed his protest and sat opposite of Kylo, offering his hands. Kylo took them, his own palms big and warm, and gripped them tight.

“Now, think about something distinct. Something I don’t have to search for.”

Zhellday closed his eyes and recalled the image of the foxgloves, tingling in the evening air. He concentrated on it, on the texture of them, on the bright colours. Then there was a sort of pressure in his mind, something so unlike anything he had ever experienced, and he almost lost his focus. He struggled to evoke the image of the foxglove back into his mind, holding onto it as the feeling of not being alone increased.

He clung to it, to the magenta bells on a crisp, thick stem, onto the fine hairs on it. There was a storm raging in the rest of his mind, and he tried desperately to keep it at bay. But he was losing, the image of the purple flower shattering as the other presence which he recognised as Kylo leafed through his memories. _I’m here_ , he wanted to scream, _don’t go there, it’s dark there, please don’t go there, I’m here, I’m here_. The foreign force withdrew unexpectedly and Zhellday was left with his own memories and thoughts, memories he almost lost, thoughts he didn’t remember, fears he’d overcome, hatreds he got over. He was breathing too fast, too hard, too shallow and there were tears streaming down his cheeks despite his eyes being closed.

“Zhellday, please come back to me,” he heard but it came from a different world, “please come back, please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please come back.”

_He’s scared and nervous and they tell him to relax. How is he supposed to relax? There’s a man in front of him and he can sense prying, hungry eyes on his body. His body that is too thin, too pale, too young to be leered at. His body that is still raw from all the beatings he sustained. His body that is about to be taken away from him._

_Big, hairy hands remove the poor excuses of clothing they covered him in and suddenly he’s naked and he’s never felt worse in his life, never would feel worse.  
“Relax, sweetheart, you’re going to like it,” the man says and pries his mouth open, “you should be grateful it’s me initiating you. Others wouldn’t be so gentle.”_

_He thinks he doesn’t care, he just wants the man to shut up and do what he must so that he can disappear and hopefully die. Hours and hours of his theoretical training go through his mind, unbidden, as a hand presses against his clavicle and forces him to kneel. Cold liquid dribbles onto his ankle and he remembers this is not the most intrusive thing he’s about to endure that day. He wants to cry._

_Instead, he braces himself and takes the cock poking against his cheek into his mouth, choking at it, despite trying it with various objects before. He gags and wants to stop but there are fingers in his hair, pulling, forcing him to keep moving so he does. He does, he does, he does until his throat is numb and then there’s something wet and warm and disgusting flooding onto his tongue and he wants to spit it out, wants to throw up but he doesn’t, because he won’t disobey again and risk this getting worse than it already is. The fingers in his hair pull harder and there’s more of the sticky, repulsive substance in his throat and he’d sob but he can’t._

_“You’re doing good, sweetheart.”_

_He’s never hated being called good more than in that moment. He releases the cock slowly and closes his eyes not to look at it._

_“You’re going to enjoy me up your sweet little ass.”_

“Zhellday, Zhellday, please come back, please, please, please.”

Zhellday grabbed onto the voice and held as if it was the most important thing in his whole existence. He followed it, listened to the panic in it, to the worry and he finally found the strength to fight his demons.

Zhellday’s eyes fluttered open and Kylo almost sobbed in relief.  
“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, “so, so sorry.”

“Did you see something?” Zhellday asked, hoping at least it was good for something.

“I saw a lot of things, disturbing things. Bad things,” Kylo admitted, “and I glimpsed a flower before you started to panic and I pulled away.”

“So you did see it,” Zhellday murmured.

“Yes,” Kylo nodded, unwillingly.

“I’m sorry about the rest. I should have guarded it better.”

“No,” Kylo blurted out, “no. It’s not your fault. If anything, I should have been able to avoid it.”

Zhellday was glad Kylo didn’t say they shouldn’t have done this at all. He didn’t regret it, as traumatic as it was. He thought that maybe next time, he’d know what to expect and he wouldn’t get so overwhelmed and his stupid memories wouldn’t come back at him.

“You still want do it, don’t you?” Kylo asked.

“Yes. I think I’ll handle it better next time.”

“Do you want to talk about it? The things I saw?”

“I… don’t think I can,” Zhellday said, “I don’t even think about them so much anymore, I guess they just resurfaced because my mind associated them with you entering my mind. It’s nothing like that though.”

“I think we should watch a silly holovid now,” Kylo suggested.

“I’d like you to tell me a story instead,” Zhellday mumbled, “if you don’t mind.”

“Okay. An actual story or a made up one?”

“An actual story. Tell me some happy story.”

“I don’t know if I have those,” Kylo said but at the same time he realised it wasn’t true. “Okay, I may have one.”

Zhellday settled with his head in Kylo’s lap and closed his eyes, waiting for Kylo’s story. There were still some of the flowers in his hair, and Kylo’s fingers were playing in it, almost absent-mindedly.

“When I was maybe six or seven, my father had to go on yet another very lucrative trip and left me with uncle Chewie. I had to promise to never tell my mum, which at the time felt very exciting and grown-up and I only later understood that it would have been the last nail into the coffin of my parents’ marriage, not that they averted it for long. I don't think my mum actually minded uncle Chewie looking after me, in a way I guess she was even glad, but she hated it when father didn't do what was expected of him.”

Kylo stopped to see if Zhellday was still listening. When the ginger opened his eyes in silent question, Kylo smiled and continued.

“As I said, I was little. I'm not sure when Wookiee children are supposed to be of age but considering their lifespan, I'd say even later. But apparently uncle Chewie thought that didn't matter- “

“Your uncle is a Wookiee?” Zhellday interrupted him suddenly.

“He's not my biological uncle, just my dad’s best friend. Still he was a much more fun than my actual uncle,” Kylo explained, amused by Zhellday’s reaction. He's never given much thought to how he referred to Chewbacca – if there was a family member who never let him down, it had to be Chewie.

“I've never met a Wookiee,” Zhellday remarked, “aren't they supposed to be brutish and loud?”

“Aren't humans supposed to be weak and petty?” Kylo turned the question around. He wasn't mad at Zhellday for having the prejudices. He supposed the slavers didn't have any interest of telling their subjects that all beings were equal. “Uncle Chewie was the gentlest person around children, and the most patient with me when I was a teenager. Wookiees are better than humans in many ways, especially in loyalty. They take their promises very seriously.”

“I didn't know that.”

“Most people don't. Wookiees are wary of humans, after their… uh, forced labor in the Empire’s mines and wars. It's not easy to meet one, and unless you do, I don't suppose you're going to think the contrary of the propaganda.”

“Are you trying to make up for your grandfather’s mistakes?” Zhellday asked and sat up, looking into Kylo’s eyes intently.

“I… I never considered that,” Kylo said, “I don’t want to repeat them, and I know treating Wookiees like draft animals is one of them. At the same time, I admire my grandfather, and share his beliefs, much more than I do those of my mother. So yes, in a way, I suppose I am trying to purify grandfather’s ideology.”

“Why do you think the republic isn’t the best option?” Zhellday asked again, his curiosity peaked. Kylo marveled yet again at his fluctuant moods.

“It’s inefficient and gives power to people who are in no way apt to have a vote.”

“Isn’t it more important for the people to be happy about being given a choice than having the most efficient government?”

“A lot of people, when given a choice, will choose wrongly. Not because they mean to but because they don’t have enough information. And often, being given a choice doesn’t make people happy. They don’t want to decide for themselves – if they do, they can’t blame anyone else for their lives.”

“And yet you claim you want me to make my own choices,” Zhellday points out triumphantly and smirks.

“That’s because I know you’re smart. You won’t blindly follow someone because he tells you he’ll improve your life unless he tells you how,” Kylo replied fervently. He knew he’d lost but he wasn’t going to admit it just yet.

“Isn’t that favoritism?” Zhellday raised an eyebrow, “you’d take the choice from many smart people like me to weed out the stupid?”

“If it’s the price I need to pay for stability,” Kylo nodded, “for every smart person there are at least ten stupid ones. And for every as brilliant as you there are hundreds of the smart ones.”

“Now you’re flattering me,” Zhellday smirked.

“See? You noticed it,” Kylo remarked, “no political system is ideal. Every regime rises and falls with the people in it. If you give voice to the masses, there are billions of potential failures.”

“But they’re smaller than they would be if there was one person to fail the regime, aren’t they?”

“Yes, but imagine if this one person is the right one.”

“Then there will be his successor who will fail spectacularly,” Zhellday said, “I’ve had my education.”

“I’m not in favour of hereditary rule. You know I could have been a king but I rejected that because I didn’t want people to say I didn’t work enough for it.”

“I’m going to pretend I believe that was the only reason.”

“It was the main reason,” Kylo admitted, “didn’t you want to hear a story?”

“Right.”

“So uncle Chewie let me sit in the pilot seat of my dad’s ship, which was something my dad forbade. It was great fun, and we spent hours flying around while he let me act like I was piloting the ship. Then, when we landed, he let me fix the ship with him and got me a huge ice cream before dinner, which was another thing mum forbade. It was the happiest I felt in a long time.”

There was a long moment of silence in which Zhellday watched Kylo with mild curiosity. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and asked: “Is that all?”

“Yes,” Kylo seemed confused.

“That was a bad story,” Zhellday stated, “I hope you’re a better ruler than storyteller.”

“You wanted a happy story.”

“I wanted a story.”

“But it did distract you, didn’t it?”

“Of course,” Zhellday smiled and leaned forward, tentatively, asking for a kiss. Kylo took Zhellday’s face in his hands and pulled him closer before pressing their lips together. He let the Force course through them both, caressing Zhellday with it to show him it can be gentle too. They were sitting cross-legged on the bed, their knees touching, both slightly bent to kiss the other. It wasn’t a very comfortable position but they didn’t want to let go. Zhellday placed his hand on Kylo’s thigh, high but not enough to make it indecent.

“I can’t wait to go visit dozens of worlds with you,” Kylo mumbled when they parted and Zhellday had to agree.

…

When the alarm sounded this time, Zhellday simply rolled over to wake Kylo up. He didn’t have to do that, seeing that Kylo wasn’t asleep yet. They got up in unison, and Zhellday helped Kylo put some clothes on, himself dressed in the onesie he demanded in the shop.

“Won’t you come with me?” Kylo asked, surprised.

“Should I?”

“Don’t you want to?”

“Of course I do,” Zhellday shook his head, “I just didn’t think you wanted me there.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I want you there?” Kylo sighed and motioned for Zhellday to choose some clothes to put on, “from now on, I’m giving you permission to accompany me anywhere I go unless I specifically tell you not. Now hurry.”

“Okay,” Zhellday nodded and got dressed quickly. Kylo was already outside talking to a servant. When Zhellday left the room and noticed Kylo’s expression, he was almost scared to ask.

“What happened?”

“The Resistance took Tatooine,” Kylo mutters, “they used more than they can afford just to take my grandfather’s planet from me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You still with me? Awesome! Stay a little longer to leave a comment maybe? Thank you for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> [Come kick my lazy ass to write more on tumblr.](http://ellstra.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, tell me what you think of this. I'm a little bit insecure about writing AU's - is it too much AU to be pass as the original characters? Comments are worth their weight in gold.


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